The Catalyst and the Catharsis
by Jirubee
Summary: Growing weary of his girlfriend Kikyo's addiction, Inuyasha is torn over developing feelings for her sister and how his decisions will affect their lives. AU. M. R&R.
1. Catalyst

Cold, chipped, pastel green tiles spread across the walls like a disease as an expiring florescent bulb expunged its last breaths. The mirror reflected it twice fold as a young woman - somewhere in her late twenties - smeared blood across her porcelain face. Her pupils were wired, dark eyes sunken as she blinked away the moisture creasing her lashes. Her nose was still bleeding on one side, and the crook of her thumb caught what it could.

The euphoria spilling through her body looked a lot more beautiful in contrast to the starkness of the public restroom. She felt her body's electrical current bloom as though a galaxy was born in her and time sped up.

She lolled her head back, spilling into her inky cradle of hair. She let out an aching laugh as the music from the outside beat its way into the partition.

Her skin reverberated against the bass and she casually looked down at the dirty sink with a crookedly rolled note. The currency was stained. It was used many times and was flakey from the dried blood.

Idly, she blotted the excess from her face and cleaned up her mess. She was truly alive. She knew it. For the next little while she would be consumed by that snowy powder, and she relished in it.

Before she left the calm of the bathroom, she held her breath and placed her long fingers on the latch - knowing all too well that her boyfriend already knew what she had done.

"Well, you can brush it off and carry on. There's nothing in your purse, pocket, or person." The woman smiled weakly, pressing on the sweetest face she could muster.

The sheer volume of the music billowing through the small venue opened her ears and pulsed through her stomach as she wound her way through throngs of people. At the dimly lit bar, she found him.

He was drinking a whiskey, as he was so privy to do. And he smiled warmly at her beneath the patchiness of his graying stubble. "You took a long time, are you alright?" He eyed the lanky woman idly, quirking a thick brow.

The woman nodded, chewing on the tip of her thumb nail, eating away at the residual cocaine. "Inuyasha, I swear I'm fine. Are you almost ready to go home? It's getting kind of late." She countered, watching his hands feather his long peppery hair in dismay.

Rolling his eyes, he downed his whiskey and grabbed his leather coat from the neighboring stool. "Mind telling me why since this was your idea, anyway." The man rasped, staring at the flickers of neon light that strobed over her pallid face.

She batted her eyes back at him, coyly dismissing the fact her heart felt like exploding and her stomach was turning as she stared at the discoloration of his eyes, the ones that could see through stone.

"I just wanted it to be the two of us. This place is crowded and too loud!" She exclaimed, something she rarely did.

Inuyasha shook his head and took her hand, and felt something wet in her palm. Instead of looking or making a scene - which, he did have a tendency of doing - he waited until they had passed through the waves of patrons and made their way to the mouth of Shinjuku.

"Kikyo, why is your hand so wet?" He asked idly, somehow already knowing the answer as the cool breath of winter nipped at his exposed skin.

The woman pulled away, holding her hand as though she were injured. She breathed a plume of her body heat into the night and shook her head. "My hand is fine."

Inuyasha reached into his pocket for a cigarette and let out a heaving sigh. "You honestly think I don't know what you did? What you've been doing? You're not clean." He said harshly, watching her body begin to quake.

She didn't cry. No, she was too reserved to show him how upset she really was. "I've been doing very well, thank you. I only do it on special occasions and I don't have a problem." She said as passively as she could.

The man stared towards the illuminated city before him and closed his eyes. This had been going on for the last year of their relationship. She would do better, fall off, do better, then she would be completely gone.

It had taken a toll on him. He felt withered and old in comparison. He had his own fair share of problems and addictions but nothing quite like that. Kikyo was a skilled dancer and was primed for so many opportunities and gave it away for her addiction.

She would sell her clothing, furniture, borrow money, steal from certain people occasionally and it had become too overwhelming. Loving her was easy, but staying to love her was a dutiful job that required his full attention in order to protect her; especially from her own willfulness.

As he flicked his cigarette into the crosswalk, he let out a sigh. The fire was burnt out, the arguments were over. The disappointment wasn't disappointing anymore, and the promises were just pretty little words that spilled out of her mouth.

She was dragging him to hell with her, and he really couldn't stop it. She'd bat those dark eyes, and run her fingers through his long hair and use that smooth voice to fill up any void she came across.

But as he looked at her, watching the hollows of her cheeks sinking into canyons and the light in her eyes dimming, he knew that she was dying.

He couldn't send her back to rehab. He couldn't send her away again, or fucking make her help herself and conquer the disease living inside of her.

Even now, as they passed by a strip of centrally located apartments and their neon lights, he could see her becoming more and more lifeless as she moved less gracefully than she ever had.

He wondered who she had gotten it from this time, if she had paid for it or slept with someone for it, if she had done too much, if she had more.

And then as his bootclad feet hit the sidewalk, he turned to the woman and gripped her hand. "Do you have any more?" He said quietly.

Kikyo blinked. Furrowing her brows, she shook her head profusely, "No, Inuyasha. Why?"

The man scoffed and let a sardonic smile crawl along his lips. "Maybe I want some." He said as a matter of factly.

The woman felt anger building in her fragile body. She pursed her lips and stared incredulously. "You know how I feel about you saying that!" She seethed , still more calmly than anyone he'd ever met.

"That's how it feels, Kikyo. While you live in your imaginary world for thirty minutes, I'm watching you dissolve into nothing. " He said darkly, standing before her with his head resting close to hers. He inspected her features for a moment before turning away.

"Take me to my sister's. I'm not coming home with you." Kikyo said, as though she were too helpless to walk there the two blocks alone. Though deep down she knew that he would never leave her alone, truthfully. Even though they weren't truly together anymore, or were they? She didn't even know anymore.

He had flinched at the notion and she knew exactly why. Her heart would sink lower into her chest if she let it, but she ignored the small flush on the man's face and hid her disdain for her sister as she sniveled against the cold.

It was better than being alone with her thoughts all night. And better than being scolded like a child, when she obviously was not. Inuyasha didn't drive her to this, though he felt like he did.

The woman's depression ate at her as though it was a creature marring her very being until she could no longer recognize herself. She was often stoic, quiet, a shadow of her former self and she felt the vast valley flood in between the two of them.

Everything blurred together and days felt like weeks and months. She knew that Inuyasha was too pure at his core and the very warmth of the hand that she held was so foreign now. She had tampered with something so very dangerous and absolved to listen to its siren song. The repercussion of her decisions left a sadness looming over her lithe frame as they walked.

She fought the wave of chills that slithered just beneath the surface of her skin as she listened to the man's preaching. He was not perfect, though he was much more alive and in tune with himself than she was.

They had been together off and on for five years. Five long, wonderfully turbulent years.

And as they found themselves weaving through a small alleyway, near a set of smooth concrete steps and twinkle lights, she knew that she would be faced with her sister.

A deepening sense of unrest swatted at the woman as she noticed the man next to her change expression. He didn't have to say anything. She could see it on his face, in his eyes as they surmounted the obstacle to ring the tiniest of doorbells.

Kagome lived in a tiny, cute apartment. She was lively, rambunctious and two years younger. She clenched her jaw at the yellow light peering through the small curtain to obstruct outsiders from seeing into Kagome's abode.

It had small flecks of sequins sewn into a lavender fabric with crescent moons and interwoven wands. Kikyo silently scrutinized the damned fabric as she rolled her eyes to Inuyasha and watched him fidget with the collar of his jacket.

He was nervous. Not like the nauseating nervousness that ate at her. She was coming down and felt like the world was crushing her bones into ash.

She had never known for sure if anything had happened between Kagome and Inuyasha, but it always seemed as though it had.

He seemed impatient as he rang at the doorbell again, slightly fumbling on his feet for her to answer. Kikyo's bloodshot eyes absorbed all of this and she sighed in relent, which garnered the retrieval of her hand in his once more.

After a few moments, the sound of feet pattering against the wooden floor became louder and louder. When the latch moved, Inuyasha's grip tightened as they were greeted by Kagome's cherubic face and rosy cheeks.

She was wearing a pair of head phones around her neck and her hair high in a ponytail as the scent of food permeated through the alleyway. She looked taken-a-back, "This is a surprise!" The girl said, pressing a crooked smile across her face.

Inuyasha could barely look at the girl, yet he held Kikyo's hand in the air. "I have a drop off." He said nonchalantly, as though the woman couldn't speak for herself.

Kagome waved them in and gestured at the small kitchen near the entrance, "I'm making dinner if you're hungry." She said, welcoming them into the warmth of her home. "Sango-chan won't be home until late, so it'll be nice to have the company."

Kikyo glowered beneath her smooth bangs as they ushered themselves in. She slipped off her heels and slide off her heavy red coat and took a seat at the table.

She felt like she'd been thrown from a cliff, and felt every bone in her body ache. Her eyes glistened beneath the low hanging cheap chandelier as she watched Kagome slide across the floor to the stove.

"What are you two doing tonight? It's always nice when you come by. I haven't seen you for a while. I hope everything's been okay." The girl said idly, brushing her hands on a yellow apron their mother had bought her for Christmas.

Kikyo chewed at her lip as she looked over her shoulder at Inuyasha as he sprawled out on the girl's couch like he lived there. "I've been great. I got a new job offer at my company and I went out to celebrate." She said, reaching to the fridge handle from her chair. Like hell she was getting up because the room was spinning.

"Congratulations." Kagome nodded, gliding to the fridge as she swatted Kikyo's hand away, already knowing she would want orange juice, a yogurt and three saltines. After a binge, Kikyo always had to have the holy trinity.

Kagome never said a word about it. She couldn't change it, and just made her as comfortable as possible until she either passed out or vomited. "I'm really proud of that. Have you been eating enough? I saw Sota last week and he sure has been." She chuckled, setting down her sister's juice.

Inuyasha opened his mouth to say something, and Kagome just shot him a knowing glance, which shut up him.

"Not really, too be honest. I haven't had much of an appetite." Kikyo smirked, wriggling her nose. It itched. It felt like the blood had dried and left her sore and raw. "Besides, I'm at that age where I'll start losing my girlish figure. Men don't like to be around women that don't take care of themselves."

Kagome sighed, and knew it was a shot at the man in the living room. She let it go in one ear and out the other as she poured broth into the pot and mixed in a thick blob of hot chili paste.

"Did you want to stay here tonight?" She asked, already knowing that one night would turn into two or three while she recovered.

Inuyasha scoffed and pulled out his phone to check the time and noticed a text message lighting up his screen and he quirked a soft smile at it. "She is. I'll be going soon so you can bond or some shit. Whatever girls do."

Kagome glanced at him, "Seriously? I know you're going to stay long enough to eat." She teased as nonchalantly as she could, watching Kikyo's expression waver.

"You know I'm not passing up free food." He replied, shifting to his side to get a better view of the girl. He smiled crookedly, the light making his heterochromia more noticeable.

Kagome felt her cheeks grow darker as she turned her attention towards the sink, though her reflection in the window displayed her nervousness quite vividly.

At a certain point, Kikyo skidded back in her chair and grabbed her glass of orange juice. "I'm going upstairs and laying down. I guess call me or come get me whenever you decide you're done flirting with my boyfriend."

Her tone never changed. She seemed indifferent as she deliberately walked up the ten steps to the bathroom, where she shut the door just as methodically behind her.

Kagome went slack and rested her hands on the edge of the sink. She hated when Kikyo came over. It was the same every time, like clockwork. No one had to tell her, she already knew the ups and downs of living with the woman and how to handle her falls from grace.

Inuyasha stared at the woman from the corner of his eye and barely registered that he was breathing. He wanted to say something but he quickly averted his eyes to his phone and opened the text Kagome had sent.

It wasn't salacious. It wasn't expectant. It was just a simple, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. You should come say hello some time."

He licked his chapped lips and swallowed as he pushed himself from the couch. His long sleeve shirt was rolled up to his elbows and his mess hair fell around his face. It was an attempt to hide the embarrassment on it as he cleared his throat and took a seat at the table.

Kagome tried to ignore him, listening intently for the toilet to flush or for the sound of Kikyo moving rooms, but it was ultimately silent.

"Is it bad again?" She asked in a hushed tone, finishing up the noodles she had dropped in the pot.

Inuyasha snorted, "Fuck if you only knew."

Kagome nodded, feigning an awkward smile. "I do know. I know very well. And I know that this situation, the whole thing, is way out of hand."

Inuyasha cupped his cheeks watching her. He'd been over a few times alone and talked to the girl about Kikyo and then this that and the other. He'd grown to enjoy her company, and enjoyed the optimism she held.

She was so vastly different from Kikyo, even though they had a plethora of similarities. Kagome was like the patches on a patchwork quilt that needed to be used and Kikyo was the quilt that needed to be mended.

Seemingly, you couldn't have one without the other or something would falter. Yet, as he waited listlessly for dinner to be done, he was melancholy.

He felt like a forlorn character in a Western film, or something - one of those bullshit dramas about growing up or whatever.

He was thirty-four years old, unwed, in limbo with his somewhat significant other, and was uncertain about his feelings on that subject.

Kagome had listened to his hopes and dreams and the betterment of her sister. She was so encouraging even though it killed her inside. The way she looked at him, the way she soothed his emotional wounds, the kinship they had built over the destructive habits of a loved one were all indicative of something, but he didn't know what.

And that made him feel guilty.

Yet, as he looked up the stairs and saw Kikyo wiping her mouth off, still carrying her orange juice, he knew that he couldn't live with this much longer.

She had a little more color to her cheeks and a looser fitting t-shirt on and lounge pants instead of her fitted designer jeans. Kikyo seemed human then. Very vulnerable, malleable almost. She could be molded into anything but her beauty was fading. Not physically, but the internal embodiment became less and less enthralling, no matter how much he loved her.

Kagome had tried to cut through the awkwardness with dinner and entertained them with stories about her nursing job, and the less than good dates she'd had. Inuyasha noted it was the first time he had seen Kikyo genuinely smile in a long time, and he relished that moment.

She was still a wonderful girl. She had all of the potential in the world, all of the brains and brawn to defeat any obstacle save for that one.

And it broke his heart as though she'd died. He'd tucked her in upstairs in the adorably decorated spare bedroom and cracked the window for air, kissed her, told her loved her and waited for her to fall asleep.

He always did that. He'd done for years. No matter what the circumstance, whether he agreed, or not, he made sure she never felt as alone as he did. As he brushed his calloused fingers through his hair, he stared longingly out the window and closed his eyes. The cool breeze that rolled in from the crack in the pane soothed his tired skin.

He felt more like a caretaker than a lover to the girl and relented to his role. How could he leave her without helping her more? He'd struggled for months over the decision and he couldn't resolve it.

Shaking his head, the man forced himself up and headed gingerly downstairs. He found Kagome sitting in the living room floor reading a book.

She was dressed sloppy, too busy and enthralled to care what she looked like as she enjoyed herself, smiling at the pages beneath her vision.

A frown etched itself on his face as he grabbed the jacket off the back of the burgundy sofa. "I'm heading out. Thank you for everything."

Kagome snapped up and waved her hands, "It's fine, I promise. I'll get over the drama one day." She sighed, inspecting his face as though she could find the answers buried in it. "I-I'm actually really glad you came. I haven't seen you in a while and it-it was nice." She continued, rubbing a hand on her arm hesitantly.

There was tension. There had been tension. Sango had mentioned it before, and then left it in the open. Kagome's large doe eyes were perplexed and ignited with a semblance of fear and uncertainty.

And Inuyasha's expression exasperated her because he was so difficult to read. He stood tall against her shorter frame and she looked up at him adoringly, and didn't exactly hide it.

She felt a well of emotion inundate her as they danced around saying their goodbyes.

Closing her eyes, she felt his heavy arms wrap around her abruptly. He smelled nice, woodsy with a hint of a cigarette resting in his hair. She didn't mind it. Her arms gripped to his back as she felt her skin flush.

They stood in silence as the front door began to jiggle, ripping them from their brief embrace.

"You better go." Kagome said quietly, clearing her throat as Inuyasha exhaled sharply.

He chewed at his lip and threw on his coat in haste and pressed his lips into some formation similar to a smile or a grimace, she couldn't tell. "Thank you, again. I'll, uh, come by tomorrow and make sure she's okay." He rasped.

Sango had heard him and waited for a moment before she pushed the door open and smiled brightly as she throw her lab coat over her shoulder.

She pardoned herself while the man exited, leaving her dark eyes firmly planted on her roommates colorless face.

Sango began deconstructing herself as Kagome plopped down on the couch with her heart in her throat and her head clasped in her hands. "I am the worst person in the world, Sango."

Her large, gray eyes closed as she shook her head.

Sango bit her lip, "For your sake, for your sanity, for your wellbeing and you-know-who, you've got to distance yourself from this whole big ole situation." Her arms feathered outward in exaggeration as she shucked her purse on the tabletop.

Kagome reached into her pocket and stared at a solitary text and she sighed. It was bereft. Simple, and very poignant.

"I'm sorry for always putting you in the middle of our problems."

"Goddammit." Kagome hugged a cushion and buried her face in it. She was the babysitter, the nurse, the mother, the best friend, the therapist, the almost. And being almost of anything was worse than having Fate hand you a deck made of the same cards.


	2. Nothing Hurts More Than Being Sober

A plume of smoke curled out of Inuyasha's mouth as he leaned off the balcony. He hadn't been able to sleep, more or less because of his poor decision making skills on both parts. His mismatched eyes were tired, withered from exhaustion and the cold.

It was early.

So early that he beat sun on its journey to wake up the country. He stood asking in the pale, dusty morning as the neons faded with the impeding light what he should have, could have done differently by this point in his life.

He'd long since showered, had two cups of black coffee and some cereal.

Closing his eyes, he thought back to Kagome for a moment and how she felt. It wasn't the first time he'd hugged her, nor would it be the last.

He let out a regretful sigh and rubbed his face after dabbing his cigarette in the ashtray. He'd been sitting on those feelings for a while and every time he saw her, it reminded him of exactly why he regarded them.

More than likely, he knew he'd jerk off in the shower and pretend that he had never sullied her image and feel the immense guilt that came along with it.

His roommate had given him trite advice on the subject, which he ignored instantaneously. Miroku was a great many things, but was not the most morally sound. Then again, the man shrugged, who was nowadays anyway?

Things weren't simple.

They could have been, but the gravitational pull of his tempestuous relationship with Kikyo had dampened his hopes of finding absolution.

For so many years, Kikyo was all he wanted. She was everything he could have wanted. How many sleepless nights would he have? Maybe if he married her she would get the hint that he wanted her around.

He was getting too old for this. Having to weigh marriage to resolve a drug problem was pretty much setting himself up, and her for that matter, for impending failures and problems.

Kagome was still a complex woman, but she seemed so much more functional in contrast to her sister.

He didn't know how to feel about her.

She was physically beautiful, but the way her mind fluctuated with her words and movements seemed to be the most captivating part of her.

She'd crinkle her nose, wave her hands, and say things that sounded like words from a book. She was unpredictable in those senses and from the times he'd stayed at her little apartment and talked with her, she'd garnered his attention fully until he lost track of time.

Closing his eyes, Inuyasha gave up and let his depression wrap him in a cocoon.

He didn't allow himself to show up at Kagome's that day, or text her. He didn't hear from Kikyo either, which had been a good sign.

A man's favorite mantra: No news is good news.

And he intended on sticking to his guns and avoided the exhaustion of his current situation. Miroku cited his less invasive approach to be the best way to go, and he allowed himself to agree with the man for once.

As the days went by, he'd only heard from Kikyo once. She'd called to say she loved him and did what she always did, and a few days from now he'd see her and she'd be strung out.

She'd expect him to come over, make love to her, spend the weekend doing nothing and then repeating the cycle all over again. More than likely, she was at her mother's house.

But he wouldn't ask.

He refused to contact Kagome, even though he knew he'd hear from her eventually. And when he did, he knew he'd be at her house having dinner and talking about bullshit.

In fact, a day later he received the invitation to come and pick up Kikyo's things as an excuse. And he knew it was. It was all she could think of that had validity and he admired her for trying.

When arrived, he'd been overly nervous. He'd picked and prodded his brain for what not to say or do, or mention, or what would happen if he looked at her the wrong way. Yet, as he stood on that doorstep waiting for Kagome to come bounding down the stairs, he was rattled.

He blamed it on the cold evening air, and the wind for the reason his skin was bursting with blotchy spots of redness.

He was a grown man, after all. Crushes were for boys and for teenage girls. They weren't for somewhat well adjusted men in their thirties. He coached himself on this.

Yet, when the door parted and Kagome saw him, he lowered his head. "You don't have to act so wounded every time you come over here. I made you a bowl of udon." She said, gesturing with her head.

Her hair was down, long enough to hang about her waist and spill over her gray sweater.

"I don't act like I'm wounded. Don't flatter yourself. I don't need you to take care of me." Inuyasha said a little more brash than he intended.

Kagome rolled her eyes, "Well, that's what I do." She clicked her tongue while she thought, trying to stay focused on anything but the immediate tension in the room. "You know that it's hard taking care of people and it's just nice to be taken care of sometimes."

Inuyasha outwardly blushed as he slipped off his coat and watched her fiddle with a bowl of rice she'd made for herself. He eyed her inconspicuously for a moment, "Was that entirely necessary?"

"Is it necessary for you to actually eat something other than ramen or toast?" Kagome responded, plopping down in the chair in front of his.

"Let's just get this out of the way," She began, her vibrant eyes boring holes through the man. "Kikyo left some of her clothes when she went to Mama's. And she made it very clear that she didn't want me to bring them to her when she called because she thinks that I am this awful person that's judging her."

Inuyasha was offput by the indifference in her voice, but reminded himself how often Kagome actually had to deal with the situation and let it be. Dredging up bad memories while you're in one doesn't exactly set the proper tone for a decent evening, does it?

"I'll take them to her." Inuyasha sighed, feeling the heaviness in the room begin to engulf him. "I don't know if I can help her anymore."

Kagome sat her bowl down and shook her head, "You can't. She has to help herself. She has to want it." She smiled softly, "But Mama doesn't put up with our shit, so..." she shrugged her small shoulders, "...I think she's fine for now."

For the first time in months he'd felt genuine relief. It was like finally being able to breathe after being submerged. He'd forgotten what that felt like, and he relished the freedom of it as they ate dinner.

To be honest, it was the only real meal he'd eaten in days. In between working at the factory and teaching a kendo class at the recreation center, which he did once a week, he had very little time to make himself a home cooked meal.

Kagome snuck small glimpses of him when he wasn't looking and smiled to herself at how uncouth he could be while eating. He was such a peculiar person, between his attitude and the war he had with his mannerisms.

He was a hodgepodge of insecurity and she noticed quite readily, much like how he could read her. The girl tapped her fingers on the table idly, lackadaisically musing for a moment or two.

Inuyasha cleared his throat, "So, are you doing anything else tonight or-" He gestured loosely, staring past the woman versus staring directly at her. He didn't want to see her expressions, or the way her mouth was twisting beneath her teeth.

Kagome nervously chewed at her lip, "No. I don't have work until Sunday. I worked twelve on, so I'm reaping the rewards of a four day interval." She said, "Sango has been in and out all day, and I don't know when she'll actually be home."

Inuyasha feigned interest in her roommates juxtaposition and fumbled through his pockets for a crushed pack of Marlboro's. "You mind if I hang around a while? I don't really feel like sitting at home alone. I don't know if I'm ready to see Kikyo or your mother, for that matter. I need to mentally prepare myself."

Kagome waved, "That's fine. You can make yourself at home," she paused as she stood to clear the table, "unless you're smoking and you ought to take that outside."

The man grinned with a cigarette between his teeth, "Just like at home." He said crudely, excusing himself for a moment.

Inuyasha had honestly only wanted to be alone to shake his unease and stare at the golds and reds that smeared across the skyline. He felt as though he were caught in a fog, a hazy one at that. The euphoria of the numbness he felt, and the guilt in his stomach rivaled what Kikyo had felt in that bathroom, he glowered.

Yet, they had their own vices and Kagome's company happened to be his. Maybe he did like her, maybe he liked the way she made him feel.

One thing he did know, as he smashed out his smoke, was that the girl enjoyed fixing people. She was a nurse, but more so than that.

As he went inside, he watched her simply doing dishes and her normal routine. She prepared the living room, vacuumed, turning on a crappy television show that had more commercials than actual content.

It was so boring to think about, but the simple fact that she, Kagome, was just existing was what made it seem enjoyable.

She sat away from him, eyes fixated on the phone in her hand as she played a game while she talked about her favorite color patterns and her thoughts on the galaxy itself.

Inuyasha thought about when he had first met her, shortly after he and Kikyo had started dating. She was thinner, fresh out of high school and starting university.

She was a firecracker. She wasn't held down by anyone by her own choice, and painted these extravagant pictures of what her life would be like with these imaginative words.

The girl had traveled a few places, taken care of her ailing father - which drove her to the medical field. And she mended wounds on his body in the basement of her mother's house and made sure Kikyo ate enough and would see the next morning.

She was magnificent as she asked questions about his favorite colors, his favorite songs, the meaning of his existence...

It all seemed to juvenile, like things teenagers did when they were alone and their hormones were wrought with lustful wanton.

They were closer than he'd like to admit, and as he held his head in his hand as he propped on the couch, he smiled.

It hurt.

It hurt how badly and how long that grin perched on his face. She had somehow inched closer, and he noticed the proximity immediately.

He knew she hadn't noticed it yet, she was too excited over some bullshit actress she loved. For a moment he let her be, and he fought the urge to grab her and pull her closer.

His hands were knotted in his lap by that point, and his eyes vacantly stared at a clock flickering beneath her television. It was late. He needed to go home. He needed to grab Kikyo's things and go, but he couldn't.

Her expressive eyes met his briefly, as she followed his sights to the time. A small frown dotted her features and she sighed. "I guess you'll probably be leaving soon, huh?" She asked quietly, rubbing her eye with a tiny balled up fist.

Inuyasha nodded, licking his lips. Before he could say anything, the girl shrugged and looked at him with almost pleading eyes. Her hand rested an inch from his leg, and he held himself as still as possible to avoid any remote chance of contact.

"Do you want to just stay here? I can get you some blankets or you can stay in the spare room. It's really small, but it doesn't matter to me." She pushed herself to her feet as the low hum of the television tried to cut the tension. "You don't have to, but it'd save you the hassle."

Inuyasha held his breath. He knew what he should have done. But in his shamelessly self aware fashion, he accepted the offer and felt like a boulder had pummeled him.

It was the first time he'd stayed.

He looked through his phone for a moment with no sign of Kikyo trying to contact him and he steeled himself. She was always in the back of his mind, but it felt like she was becoming harder and harder to reach.

And nothing exceptional happened afterward. They visited with Sango before she retired with Kagome, knowing full well that he was the topic of conversation.

He'd gone to bed downstairs on the couch in a respectable manner, and left her alone for the rest of the night. That first night left a lot of things unsaid. She'd passively hugged him goodnight, and left him in a heap of patterned blankets and matching pillows to fend for himself.

As he laid there, awkwardly tossing and turning, his phone softly buzzed and he sighed. In the darkness, the screen illuminated against squinting eyes as he read through a message from Kikyo. He fell slack and sighed softly, flexing his fingers as though he would respond, yet he didn't.

He stared at her words emptily and sat the phone down.

This became the first night of many that he stayed at Kagome's apartment. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted when he was there, merely by pressing his face into the plush couch cushions.

They smelled nice. They smelled warm, and inviting, much like the girl that owned them.

But on this night, that familiar wave of guilt besieged him until he'd fallen asleep. And upon awaking, he'd slipped out undetected with Kikyo's bag of clothing.

Ultimately, he'd gone home and cleaned himself up knowing full well he'd have to see her. He'd have to go to their mother's house and relinquish her treasures as though it were a tedious quest.

And on that crammed train ride across the city, he readied himself for the medium sized shrine house on the hill as it came into view.

When the winding flagstone stairs ended, he found Kikyo's familiar frame laid across the stoop of the house. She was wearing a thick, cream bathrobe and held a cigarette in between her fingers. She fiddled with her phone on one hand as her feet patterned within the confines of her slippers.

"Good morning." The woman said, her eyes never leaving her phone. "I see Kagome told you to bring me my stuff."

Inuyasha heaved a sigh, sitting the pink bag next to the woman's feet. "You shouldn't take it out on her because she cares about you."

Kikyo scoffed, smiling incredulously. "Oh, Inuyasha, please tell me more about my relationship with Kagome. Or better yet, your relationship with Kagome."

Inuyasha furrowed his brows, feeling the agitation building in his stomach. "Why do you think that I have a relationship with her?" He asked poignantly. His eyes perplexed as they stared at her pale face.

Kikyo took a drag. "If I was clean do you think you'd had the chance to really get to know her?"

"How am I supposed to respond to that when you know if you were clean that we would be married, that we would have children." He said, emotion running rampant in his raspy voice.

This was the part that he hated.

He never knew quite how to handle her downswings when she was sober. She blurred the lines between her addiction and a reality that she had made for herself. It killed him to watch her stray so far from her very core.

"No. That wouldn't happen." She flicked her cigarette and crossed her arms. "You know that even if I was sober, if I was okay, that I wouldn't be what you truly wanted." Tears formed in the ducts of her eyes as she gently brushed them away, staring at the dead garden in front of her.

Inuyasha shook his head and knelt beside her, brushing his hands through his long hair. "Please think about this. If you could try to get better for you, so many things would get better."

Kikyo smiled weakly, reaching for the door handle behind her as she hoisted herself to her feet. She left the bag behind, "I think that we need to not see each other until this is figured out. If I can do this..." she breathed, not daring to look at the broken expression on the man's face, "If I can do this, promise me that you'll give it another shot."

Inuyasha's heart fell. The chilly morning air quelled the sting and sucked all the warmth from his body as he watched the woman slam the door behind her.

He couldn't tell her all of the things he'd wanted. He didn't get to hold her one last time, kiss her, feel her body under his.

Standing there, he felt a myriad of emotions. The agony of losing someone he loved, worry, failure, guilt, relief.

He had always imagined he would have been the one to end it. He would have had his pride, his own choice of the finality of their relationship. As he walked away from the less than catastrophic aftermath, why did he feel so betrayed?

She didn't do anything wrong, aside from having a problem. "And that problem lead to twenty other ones." He said to himself as he punched the street sign at the bottom of the shrine steps.

He hissed at the recoil and the snapping sound that ricocheted in his bones. Blood seeped from his knuckles and he winced, closing his eyes tightly.

A few passersby curiously watched the man cradling his hand as he fumbled for his phone. One younger man, probably in his early twenties, stopped to help but Inuyasha feigned a smile and said he would be fine.

He refused to call and ambulance for a fractured hand, and he grunted at the idea of having to go to the hospital for a splint or X-rays or anything else that they might do to him. He'd been through enough for the day, and hunkered down a few blocks away on a bench.

The bleeding had stopped, but coagulated on his hair and on his dark jeans. He wiped his face with his clean hand and lolled his head in dismay.

Reaching for his phone, he sighed dejectedly and stared at the first person's number and closed his eyes as he called.

She'd fix him. She was good at that. It was extremely selfish to ask that of her. Though, as he heard the grogginess in her voice, he knew deep down that he wouldn't have to suck up his pride and ask.

Kagome would do it anyway. That was just who she was. And he felt like he was the catalyst to a never ending spiral of injustices to her.

Even though he couldn't help himself, the fact that there was someone who could made this final blow seem more manageable.

After sitting in the cold of the hospital, that he swore he wouldn't end up in, he flexed his fingers gingerly as to not disrupt the flow of a tributary made of stitches.

Kagome had pulled his hair back in a ponytail, waiting for him while she bounced a glossy magazine on her knees. The man that had done the job was a younger intern named Hojo, who beamed at the sight of his coworker.

His dark eyes and sweet mannerisms were so gentle, so methodical as he'd worked diligently on closing the wounds on Inuyasha's hands. His eyes strayed to Kagome a few times, and the man wondered if that boy was the one she had gone on those dates with.

He made jokes, bad ones, but seemed very enthusiastic about meeting the Inuyasha he'd heard so much about. He'd prayed over and over in silence that the entire endeavor would be over after waiting for half the day.

When it was done, they'd gone over aftercare, his checkup schedule, and this that and the other. Kagome never made him feel bad about the incident, though he didn't exactly tell the truth either.

As they were leaving, Kagome double checked his hand and piqued an eyebrow just to be sure it was done correctly. With her approval, she escorted him through the golden maze of elevators until they reached the bottom floor.

Her hair was a mess and her clothes were thrown on in haste, and he could tell by the tired circles under her eyes that she hadn't slept well. "I'm going to go back home," she said with a yawn. "If you need me just come by or call."

Truth be told, he didn't want to go home. He didn't want to be alone in his apartment waiting for Miroku to come home and give him a list of reasons why this was a terrible thing he'd done.

He wanted peace, or semblance of it and cleared his throat as he looked at the dead leaves bristling across the pavement. "Can I just stay with you today?"

The man's voice wavered, as he clenched his muscles as though he wanted to keep the words in where they belonged.

Kagome furrowed her brows, and brushed her bangs from her eyes. "I mean, that's fine, but are you sure? I'm not doing anything entertaining. I don't think I have the energy." She said, mildly caught off guard as her boots clacked on the sidewalk to the bus stop nearby.

Inuyasha nodded weakly against his coat collar and watched the sun lazily stream onto the girl. "I think it's honestly for the best, if you don't mind."

Kagome smiled crookedly, scrunching her nose until the fine line of freckles that dotted the bridge were nowhere to be found. "You've been hanging around a lot lately."

Inuyasha felt his cheeks darken, "Keh, it's better than sitting home alone. Your house is nicer than mine." He said, scoffing as he followed her onto an empty bus.

They sat in silence as they zipped through the city streets, waiting for the traffic to inevitably slow them down. Rush hour was coming, when all of those waves of people would flood the intersections and Kagome bolted off the bus as it pulled to a stop near her district and looked back to find Inuyasha following slowly.

His strides were twice that of hers and he made it safely to the ground where she was waiting. Slowly, people began trickling in, loosening the nooses of their ties as they flooded the streets in throngs.

The girl looked up at him and to his hand, the good one, and latched on loosely as his skin ignited. He looked down and wanted to protest but felt her pulling, "Come on. I don't want to lose you. We're almost to my house." She said, leading the way.

He was careful not to hit his wrapped hand on anyone, holding it close to his body as the evening brewed heat off the pavement and from the bodies around them.

Inuyasha fixated on the woman's warm hand, clenching and unclenching his as they waltz to the other side of the street. He didn't know if she'd thought anything of it, because it seemed so indifferent.

But to him, he felt special for a moment as she guided him down the hill to where her apartment was. Her hand found its way further into his, and he held it lightly as the tips thawed from the chill in the air.

Occasionally, he'd looked down and saw how tiny her hands were in comparison to his and how they suited her. Everything about her was diminutive.

She wasn't tall and lanky like Kikyo. She was shorter, healthy looking, and petite.

She'd taken after their mother, whereas her sister had taken after their late father's side. She'd also garnered her personality from him, also. That stoic facade was a learned art.

Whereas, the wildness of Kagome was a deconstruction of that art.

He didn't seem so nervous as they made it to the small little alley, or when they burst into her house. That was when she'd finally let go of his hand so that she could undress and peel off her coat and extra sweater.

His gaze interlocked with the way her body moved and the swiftness of her motions. He lacked the same grace as he struggled to shuck his coat off. He didn't want to ask her for help, but she noticed and walked behind him.

Her hands helped slip the leather from his body and ease it over his right hand. He couldn't pinpoint the exact feelings he had. That confusion was something he was direly familiar with.

"It's never going to heal if you don't ask for help." Kagome said, folding the jacket along the backside of her recliner. "When you shower, make sure you don't soak it. Of course, remember to clean it like the doctor told you but don't let it sit in water or it won't heal properly."

"I know, I heard." Inuyasha responded, finding his way around the house. It was quaint, very her. "So, why do you collect all of these figurines and toys?" He asked, eyes fixated on a large breasted Gashapon.

Kagome shrugged her slim shoulders beneath the confines of a large, thin sweater. "Everyone has their vices, that just happens to be mine. Plastic can't exactly hurt me, but they're just cute and I love them. They make me seem more interesting anyway."

"I collect dead things." Inuyasha smirked, "I like animal bones and bugs and taxidermy." His eyes fell to the red rug on the floor and he blew his bangs from his eyes. "Kikyo actually bought me several pieces when she'd gone on one of her trips. She never cared for it, but she enabled my habits."

Kagome walked into the kitchen to make tea and pull leftovers from the fridge, "I get that. It's not necessarily the most water-cooler type of hobby to have, but I have a few things like that in my room."

"Is that so? I didn't take you for the type." Inuyasha said, finding himself a bit surprised as he watched her fumble in the cabinets that were much too high for her.

Walking over, he stood above her and pulled down the porcelain cup she was trying to desperately to reach. "You seem like you'd only have doilies and like, grandma bullshit." He teased.

Kagome slid off the tips of her toes and pointed a finger at him. "I do have a lot of grandma bullshit but my weirdness seems to embed itself where most people can't see it, and I'm perfectly fine with that."

Pouring herself some tea, she smiled to herself. "Besides, it helps me focus on something other than what goes on in my life and I'm happy with that. I think everyone needs a little escapism as long as it isn't detrimental to their health or anyone else."

Inuyasha nodded vacantly. The parallel was very blantant. He knew what she was talking about and it dredged up the hurt from the morning. He'd tried his best to block it out, but looking at his hand, he knew that he had a physical momento to carry with him.

"Well, I feel like the hospital is my only escape." He said, leaning his back against the sink. "I have to be honest with you," He inhaled so sharply that he gasped and closed his eyes. "Kikyo left me when I went to see her. She didn't give me much of a chance to say or do anything. All I wanted was to help her."

Kagome's smile vanished and she crossed her arms over her chest. Sympathy ran rampant on her face and he abhorred that look. She felt sorry for him and he knew it. He didn't know if it was for the same reasons that he felt sorry for himself, or Kikyo, but it was injurious.

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha." The girl cooed, "I didn't know she was going to take it out on you."

Inuyasha shrugged, "She needs help and if she can get it with your mom, and gets the steps in check, I think she can do it. I feel responsible for her and I just can't keep blaming myself for what's going on with her even though I do."

Kagome nudged her head towards the couch, and he followed her. They sat on opposite sides, and she propped her head up with her handle. "The thing is, we both know that she feels like her purpose in life is so much greater than it actually is. She does this to fill voids that she doesn't really have, and her martyr complex doesn't help her." She said as lovingly as one could, "I know that sounds harsh, but she sees herself as this invincible thing and she's not. She doesn't mean to hurt anyone, but she does because she hurts herself."

Inuyasha sighed, resting his tired head on the cushions as he listened.

"First it was prescription medication, then alcohol, then cocaine..." Kagome huffed in frustration. "When you came along she cleaned up, did right for so long, then her demons came back and dragged her to hell and back. She needs to focus on herself."

"I know that." He spat, almost as though he were insulted. He knew he wasn't or that she wasn't insulting Kikyo. "I just wanted to try and save her. I don't even feel bad that she left me. I just feel like I still need to do something to make sure she's okay."

"Mama is making her get help." Kagome said bleakly. "Whether or not it works is up to Kikyo and she is a strong person and I think that if she needs support we should give it to her, but I have to do it from a distance."

"I always slip into a pattern with her," the man said, eyes falling to meet Kagome's as he indulged in the warmth of the room. "I go to her when she needs me and then she spits me out somewhere new, where I don't have a clue as to where I am or where to go."

Kagome chewed at her lip, staring at the worry hanging on Inuyasha's face. He looked exhausted, worried, and oddly beautiful in the dying daylight that poured through the window. "Well, if it's any consolation, this time you're not alone." She said in nothing more than whisper.

Inuyasha didn't say anything, he merely sat transfixed on the girl. He didn't know how she'd meant that, but her hand connected their two bodies with a gently squeeze on his knee. It was over as quickly as it began, and he swallowed hard.

"Thanks, I guess." He rasped, watching the girl recoil and look towards the floor. Her features were strained. "What's wrong?"

Kagome shook her head and licked her lips, "Did Kikyo say anything about me when you saw her?"

He could lie. But this time he couldn't bring himself to do it and closed his eyes, "She wanted to know what was going on with you and me." He gestured between the two of them.

Kagome looked at him slackjawed. Anger seemed to tear through her small body as she leaned onto her knees to face him, hand braced against the back of the couch. "I am so tired of her doing that to me! She always makes shitty comments about me and you. I'm sorry that I care about you and don't want to see you fucking miserable, nor do I want her to be miserable!" She said loudly, her eyes voracious with upset. She wasn't going to cry, but her cheeks were flush and her heart pounded. "I've watched you for the past year and every time I've seen you, I've asked about you because I didn't want you to waste away into nothing taking care of her. Someone needed to help you."

Inuyasha looked at her with an expression she couldn't place. "You don't have to take care of me, Kagome." He said more calmly than he imagined he would.

"Then why the hell are you here?" She asked, eyes searching his for an answer.

The man opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't force the words out. He fidgeted for a moment and turned away from the girl. "I-" he sighed, "I don't know."


	3. The Compass

Kagome didn't know what she was doing. She felt odd, convicted by her own curiosity and feelings. She knew she cared for him and that was another issue within itself. It was another one of her vices, but it was never tangible.

Easing back, the girl rubbed her forehead and sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so presumptuous. This is a slippery slope and I shouldn't have even gotten involved in it."

Inuyasha straightened himself out, resting his bound hand on his lap. "Everybody's got their own shit, Kagome." He said, his particularly crass bluntness still one of his best attributes.

Kagome relented, "I've always told Kikyo, anyone who would listen to me, if you have a reason to be upset about a situation, then there's something going on." Her fingers fumbled with one another as her heartbeat accelerated. Her skin was warm, and the room became heavy as she stared at the fibers of the couch. "And I shouldn't be upset about her opinion of my intentions with you."

Inuyasha bit his lip, worry etched across his features as he tried to formulate an opinion or something to respond with. To his surprise, he couldn't find something appropriate, so he mulled over his thoughts for a moment.

The uncertainty was worse than anything and he sat in silence wondering if she had meant what he thought she had. If so, she was trying to be as coy about the matter as possible. That alone was hard when it was the elephant in the room and it would come hurdling through the house like Kikyo had suspected. A lot of things could be broken if it was true.

"Do you," Inuyasha gritted his teeth, feeling his stomach knotting up. "Do you have feelings for me?"

People seem to think admitteding your feelings is a grandiose act, full of passion and fermenting intensity. Yet, there they sat, weighing heavily on the subject, both very broken people who were lonely.

There was nothing sexy or risqué about it. It was awkward, full of nuances reflective of their teens when a crush admitted their feelings only to not feel the same way.

Kagome lingered on the question, letting it rest in her reveries for a while as she looked up at him with dread bubbling in her veins. A six inch stretch of cushion seemed to separate them by thousands of miles and the gravity of her answer could do so much damage.

Yet, the girl found her resolve and merely looked at him with tears creating the edges of her lashes. She refused to let them fall, though one or two escaped and followed the slopes of her cheeks.

"I'm not a good person." She said, sniveling quietly as Inuyasha inhaled feeling the same mixture of emotions he'd felt in the morning when he'd seen Kikyo. His two toned eyes searched her face and he smiled weakly, "Neither am I."

Kagome smiled, wiping her tears away with her thumb as she expunged all of the air in her lungs. She didn't know how to process it, or if she was just ideological and was putting on rose tinted glasses. "You know that if anything happens that we can't go back from it. We already can't. We can't tell anyone. I don't know what we would do or-"

Inuyasha reached for her hand and held it in between them, "I tried to shove it all down, but we don't have to be together forever. Just get it out of our system and then everything will be fine. It's not like I'm in love with you, or that you're in love with me."

Kagome felt guilt ravaging her inside and out. She felt lightheaded, baring her teeth in her dream-like state. Was this really happening? Naturally as much time as they'd spent together it was bound to, wasn't it? Destiny had nothing to do with it. It was the filler in her lifeline that she'd probably carry to her grave.

"You've been through a lot today." She said softly, brushing his loose hair from his face. She barely grazed him, flinching slightly as she recoiled. "I think we're both not in the best place and we should probably just let this be. I'm going to go lay down."

Inuyasha eyed her inconspicuously, "Can I come with you?" He asked, watching her nodded vacantly. He knew she was replaying the interaction in her head and rewinding the parts she couldn't believe that had happened. He was too.

He'd followed her upstairs to her small room. It was clean, orderly, save for a sack of books on an equally tiny desk. Her room was pale. Llight gray walls and lavender bedding soothed his vision as the sun flickered before finally sniffing itself out.

He waited while she unmade the full size bed that ate most of the room and flipped on a light on the nightstand. Her taxidermy collection caught his attention, and he smiled to himself. They were all altered to look like mythical creatures and were mostly fake, which made more sense for her.

Her room looked like cool, calm. Kikyo's house compensated for the chill of her personality and was rampant with color. The women were mirrors of one another, two halves of a whole.

His good hand found the back of his neck, "I never expected that your room would be so unlike you, I guess would be a good way to put it. It's not like the rest of the apartment."

It was trivial small talk, but he needed to shut off the wires in his brain before they went haywire.

Kagome smiled, "I'm not exactly the poster child for whimsy and magic and propriety." She took a seat on the bed, looking up at him as he inspected the rest of her belongings. For the first time, she was truly nervous. The smile he flashed her over his shoulder was handsome, brighter than the ones he'd wear from time to time.

"I can vouch for some, not all, but some of the skullduggery." Inuyasha shot, taking a seat on the small desk chair in front of her.

The dim light in the bedroom cast a shadow across his face as he knelt his elbows atop his knees. Kagome's arms instinctively crossed and her teeth mulled over her lip. "I'm sorry that I'm another problem for you to have to struggle with."

Inuyasha shook his head, leaning a little closer to the woman who's eyes bore holes through him. The yellow lamp light bathed her exposed skin, making her luminous and ethereal. "You're not necessarily a problem. You're a pain in the ass and there's clearly a difference between the two."

"That's encouraging." She said idly. "I don't even know what to do now."

"If we're going to do this thing we may as well get the first part out of the way so we can both stop thinking about it every time we see each other." Inuyasha said bluntly, a pain pulling at his chest as he caught the surprised look riddling the girl's face.

"What do you mean, Inuyasha?" She asked, worry etching itself across her features.

"Why don't you come a little closer." He whispered, watching the way her hair fell across her cheek as she moved languidly towards him.

For a moment, he didn't think of Kikyo. He focused on the warmth around him and how Kagome flowed. He gently raised a hand to meet her collar and brushed his calloused fingers across the smooth skin.

She shuddered beneath his touch as he leaned down and caught her mouth with his. He was expecting it to be nothing more than a small jolt, instead of the fervency electrocuting him.

His fingers worked into her hair as he engulfed her, delving deeper into the cavernous swell of her mouth. She was sweet. She was so warm and inviting. Every small gasp that wilted as it escaped her, made him melt.

There was more to her than he knew and he relished it. The man wanted to pull away, but held onto the lingering sensation of her lips crashing like a wave on his own. She held on to the sleeves of his shirt as he pushed his way closer.

His body stirred against his jeans and he groaned. He wouldn't do anything amiss, though he wanted to. She was foreign and he wanted to know what her body felt like against his. Yet, for now, he merely bathed in their urgency.

She ended up beneath him on her bed, with his good hand climbing the length of her body. His injured one rested atop the pillow which cradled her pool of dark hair.

Kagome's fingers rested in between the notches of his spine, ascending to rest between his shoulder blades as his body cemented itself against hers.

The lamp flickered until the hum of its demise came, leaving only the light of the street to crawl inside. It cast along the man's silvery hair as he pressed into her, eliciting an audible gasp.

Inuyasha wanted wanted to forget. He wanted to use her body as an escape, but found himself drowning in hesitation as he pulled back abruptly.

He panted for a moment, watching the same surprise cross her flushed face before he slid out of his jeans. The girl fumbled with her hands before he caught one, "Another time." He said in a tired voice as he slid beneath the covers, inviting her in.

The girl laid there, staring into the dark. Her fingers found his cheek and traced the outline of his face as she recovered. "You're an absolute mess." She said quietly, buried up to her nose in blankets.

Inuyasha smirked, placing a small kiss atop her head. "Well, this mess is mine. You said it yourself, we can't go back from this so we have to make the best of it for now. It's nice just to have someone to sleep next to."

His phone buzzed idly in his pocket and illuminated a small space on the floor. Inhaling sharply, Kagome reached for it and the man simple told her no in the most dejected fashion.

He couldn't begin to think of Kikyo right now. She couldn't pull him back into the hurricane. At least not while he rested in the eye of the storm. He needed to recover before the next wave came.

He hadn't the faintest of ideas what the morning would bring, but the end of his tumultuous relationship was almost palpable and the harbringer laid next to him in silence, confused, guilty, enamored.

"You know we shouldn't be doing this, right? This isn't what kind of person I am." The girl mumbled dryly.

Inuyasha shrugged as he listened to his own breathing. "Much to what you think of yourself, you are that kind of person. You just have to want it bad enough."

Kagome's chest tightened and her hand woven its way into her hair as she tried to push back the formation of tears.

"You waited and waited, putting what you wanted aside and you saw your opportunity and you took it. It isn't the end of the world, Kagome. That's how people work. We're all opportunists." Inuyasha said aptly, cringing at the sound of the door shutting downstairs.

Kagome raised up and listened for Sango to plod up the stairs. She was ritualistic. If she was unsure if her roommate was home, she'd come upstairs and pop her head in to check.

"Do I need to hide or something?" Inuyasha interjected, garnering a slap on the arm from the girl.

"There's no point." She sighed, hearing the footsteps getting louder. She furrowed her brows and got up abruptly, straightening her clothes out the best she could. "Just hang on a minute."

Cautiously, the girl cracked the door in a sliver. Sango's lanky frame came into view as she haphazardly tossed her purse and keys into her room.

Then she heard a man's voice. It was soft, very gentle. It wasn't the sound of Hiten's gruff voice. It was almost soothing and melancholy.

She eased the door closed, ignoring the rampant curiosity beseiging her. Quietly, she locked the knob and crawled back into bed. "Apparently she brought someone home and I want to know who it is. It isn't the person she's been dating." Kagome whispered.

Inuyasha arched a brow in the murky light and leaned beside the girl. "This house is like the den of iniquities." He chided, flashing that crooked smile.

As his smile waned, he lamented over the normalcy he felt with her and the stability she offered. He was steadily being pulled into the blackness of his subconscious. His eyes were sore, he was sore, his entire being was destroyed and this was the only solace he had - which was with her.

Kagome hadn't the faintest idea of what was to come, but she had made her grave and she had to lie in it. Until then, she would enjoy it just as it was. And deep down, she would pretend that it was something beautiful.

AN: Thank y'all for the reviews! I know most people don't read Inuyasha fanfiction much anymore, but it makes me happy that you both have dropped me a line! I was absent for a long time with a lot of changes in my life and this is actually a really personal fic for me, and I love you and thank you, as always.


	4. Glass Sea

The morning sun isolated itself into one singular beam as bore through the window. Inuyasha parted his eyes, feeling the wreath of malaise hanging upon his shoulders as he awoke as though he were brume.

His blip of amnesia let him be ignorant to his surroundings, and lead him to scowling at the searing pain that shot through his hand. He'd laid on it and relented to recalling what had happened. The medication from the hospital had worn off completely and he could feel the stitches tethering his skin.

It took him a moment, but he gasp and clutched his chest as panic swelled beneath his sternum. He licked his dry lips as looked over his shoulder. His bare legs were tangled in the sheets thrown upon him. Kagome was gone.

She was probably downstairs, or hiding in the bathroom. He turned to face the spot where her body had been and found his jeans folded with his phone sitting on top.

Rubbing his face, he begrudgingly checked his phone and saw the hundred missed calls and maxed out text messages. He outwardly frowned.

Looking over the inbox, he knew it had been her. If there was an emergency someone would have called Kagome. For a moment, he fidgeted and pulled himself up enough to see how felonious his actions had been.

Inuyasha wanted to bury himself as soon as he opened the first text. It was a series of unfamiliar numbers with almost unintelligible lettering and characters. It looked frantic. If he'd had enough energy he would have read them and let the gravity settle in. Instead, he felt as though the day wasn't new, wasn't real.

Something in him had changed and stirred a very sincere question in the hollows of his body. He wasn't sure if he even still loved Kikyo the same way.

He loved her, absolutely. But what kind of love was it?

Sighing, the man peeled himself from the bed and begrudgingly pulled on his jeans and wiped fuzz from his shirt.

He looked around Kagome's room for a moment and followed the soft sounds coming from downstairs. Peeking around the corner, he didn't find her. Instead, he found Sango stirring her coffee with her finger.

Panic rolled over him as he sucked in a deep sigh and made his walk of shame past her.

Her large, dark eyes caught him and her brows furrowed. She wasn't startled, nor surprised. "You stay here last night? Is this a thing now?" She gestured with her fingers over his the length of his body.

The man felt his skin flush as he plucked at the wrap on his hands. "No, it's not. I was pretty messed up on medication when I fucked up my hand so I just stayed since Kagome helped me."

Sango took a sip of her coffee, still wary of the situation. "I see. Well, you should probably wash it because your tape is dirty. You don't want to get your stitches infected."

The man was sour. "Thanks. It's always nice that two people work at the hospital."

"I do what I can." She beamed brightly, tugging at her oversized band shirt and wiped her sticky fingers on her pajama bottoms. "Oh, there's coffee and some food in the fridge. Kagome will be back in a little while. She had some errands this morning."

Inuyasha cleared his throat and pulled out his crumpled cigarettes. He nodded and grabbed his coat before plopping down outside. The steps were just as cold as the air, which cut through his body and made his wound sting.

He wasn't all there and the dewy condensations, that slowly trickled from

the minute awning above him, thawed faster than he did. He held his chin in his hand, deep in thought.

Sango was nosy enough to peep through the window. She wasn't the most inconspicuous of people, but she tried her best. The woman wasn't stupid. Kagome would break eventually, but for now she'd let it slide.

This wasn't the first time she'd hid a budding relationship. Kagome wasn't as well put together as she appeared to be either. Sango's wariness was warranted by the fact that the girl had been so quick to leave, so distressed that it was noticeable that she had been crying sometime after she woke.

Biting her lip, Sango rubbed her sleepy eyes and chewed at her lip. Her mind immediately wandered to Koga. Koga and Kagome and a very strange relationship. They both dated other people, but he didn't particularly care for her seeing other men.

He had a temper, and she kept their relationship secluded and compartmentalized. Though it never made sense to her. They had never lived together, nor did they want to. They rarely saw one another but he had held her at such a distance and it had driven her to many emotional breakdowns.

He wasn't abusive, per se, but that didn't mean that Sango couldn't see the signs of it brewing and hunkered down at the table. Emotional abuse was sometimes more damaging than physical abuse when it came down to it.

When Inuyasha came in, she directed him to the catch-all drawer where they housed their plethora of medical supplies and bandages. He was a distraction, at the very least.

She couldn't shake the upset in her stomach and sighed. Watching the man gingerly peel off the first layer of bandages made her pull her mind from the situation. Wordlessly, the woman grabbed a tube of ointment, gauze, and medical tape and flipped on the sink.

"Just let me do it because you're gonna fuck this thing up." She said passively.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes at her and scoffed. After a few moments, he did relent and let her wash the surface and help him wrap it snugly.

"I guess I should thank you." Inuyasha chided sarcastically, inching his fingers over her handy work.

His mind fell on Kagome and he stared vacantly at the floor. "Will you tell her I'll be back later on to talk to her? Kikyo called me several times and I just want to make sure everything is okay. Well, okay as it can be with her."

Sango's eyes rolled over him and she nodded. "Yeah, I don't think she'll be gone too much longer."

"Thanks, I, uh, appreciate it." He said, making his way awkwardly to the door.

"You're a linguist." She winked, finally partaking in the warmth of her coffee that she had been struggling to consume.

As she watched him leave, she felt her heart tug for him. He wasn't a terrible person, he was just a mess. He personified it.

He was caught in the middle of this web of need and want and all of the things in between, and there was no medical cure for being a pseudo-martyr.

Shit, none of them were safe from their own complexities. Kagome seemed so pious. Her inner workings were so maladroit compared to her actions.

She wanted the world to think of her as more than she was, so she saved lives. She helped the wounded, the sick, the very basic stepping stones to becoming lost in grandeur were all being laid before her.

And that stemmed from Kikyo, the girl's father, their very tumultuous upbringing due to those circumstances. And Kagome's one track mind got her into trouble sometimes, though she kept it excessively private.

Sango, however, knew the girl inside and out. She saw the tension, she saw the willingness to betray the very fiber of her familial structure. Though, she knew the girl wasn't being malicious with her intent. It just was what I was.

Sango couldn't say much for herself. She was seeing a man she'd met at a bar a few weeks before, and her own boyfriend had hardly given her the time of day. She'd been lonely too. It was their common ground and she most certainly understood.

"God, why is my life like a fucking Lifetime movie?" The woman groaned, hearing the door squeak. The knob rattled and she knew within seconds Kagome would come barreling into the house.

She sat unphased as the door flung open with a resounding thwack. Sango shot up to find Kikyo in a panic, bleeding from her bare feet on the floor.

"What in the fuck are you doing?" She screamed, knocking over her kitchen chair.

Kikyo slurred something inaudible and sloshed her body around, tearing the curtain from the door's window. Sango rushed to her and grabbed her, "Look at me." She said, reaching for her face to look at her eyes. "I know you're fucked up. I'm not going to be nice to you! You should be glad I'm here."

Kikyo made a noise, spitting hair out of her mouth, fighting the girl as she screwed her eyes closed. "Is that fucking slut here? I know she is. Inuyasha wasn't at his house last night!"

Sango sucked in a breath, struggling with the full weight of the woman bending against her. She gritted her teeth, thrashing against Kikyo's small frame. She smelled of alcohol. It was so strong, the woman wouldn't have been surprised if she was nearing poisoning herself.

"Sit the fuck down." Sango hissed, pushing the girl into the wall. "No one is here. He isn't here. Kagome isn't here."

"You're lying! He was here! I know it!" The girl became more and more frantic. Whatever euphoria she had believed she'd felt was a lie. She was a fraction of the woman she was. She was blank.

Sango huffed, smearing blood across the paneling in an attempt to pull Kikyo to the floor. She fought with her wild arms as she flung herself to the floor and slid away, running to the stairs.

Sango closed her eyes and caught her breath, giving Kikyo some breathing room before she limped towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her backdown and sat on her.

She was taller, heavier than her and could hold her down until she calmed down. "Okay. One more fucking move and I'll break your arm, even though I doubt you can even feel it since you're feet are covered in glass."

Kikyo screamed at the top of her lungs. It was so shrill, so pained that her vocal chords broke in their thrumming.

Sango wanted to slap the shit out of this woman. She just wanted a fucking cup of coffee. "Seriously, calm down." The woman was crying beneath her, violently quivering. She was probably coked out of her mind and extremely nauseous.

Sango leaned closer to Kikyo's body and fumbled in her pocket for a phone. She called 911, even through the screaming and held the woman still until the paramedics arrived.

They had been taken by surprise, even though they had been warned. Sango helped administer the IV and helped lift the woman onto the stretcher. She had begun seizuring and expelling vomit, which had lead to all able bodies flipping her on her side.

Sango remained calm, collected as they steadied her. It was the first time that she had felt as though Kikyo may die.

That existential dread began to submerge her into a seamless haze that didn't seem existent in the matter of minutes -which seemed more like hours - that had passed until she was close to stabilized.

When they took her away, the woman fell on her bottom in the midst of the carnage. She pulled off the gloves she'd stolen from the paramedics and brushed her hands through her hair, staring at the blood and broken furniture. The left over fragments of glass lay in a gauzy mess on the floor.

It looked like someone had been murdered. There was vomit. There was a spilled cup of coffee.

Sango was traumatized for the very first time in all the years she'd spent in the medical field. She couldn't be an Emergency Doctor.

She couldn't do this again, at least not for a while. The low hum of the refrigerator sang to her as she felt her eyes become bogged down by tears.

Kikyo was so beyond intoxicated she had barely been able to comprehend how she had still functioned. Watching her unravel had been brutally unnerving.

And across the city, Inuyasha had returned home to find the door open with half of his belongings shattered on the floor.

If Miroku had been home the night before, which he wasn't still, the devastation would have been less apparent.

The man would have punched the wall in had he not already destroyed the street sign. His jaw flexed, his heart throbbed in his throat. Inspecting the damage, he'd lost nearly everything.

The fridge was open and all of the beer bottles were empty, smashed on the floor and his roommates liquor was flooding the glassy sea.

It crunched beneath his shoes and he leaned against the counter. He should have just answered the phone, or a text. He should have done a lot of things. He should have gone home.

His clothes and bed were slashed and torn up and his television was face down on the living room floor. Kikyo had smashed the photos of them that lined the hallway and blood stains spattered along the floor where her broken shoe rested.

He'd been through this before, and he sank down along the wall with his back cradled by it.

Inuyasha scrawled through his messages and let out a gasp that made tears roll down his cheeks in complete silence. He wondered if Ume had known that her daughter had run off and loaded herself up during one of her worst downswings. He wondered if they had fought, or that if he had called her if she would still be okay.

She couldn't make it one day.

One solid day without feeling fight or flight about the situation. She was killing herself and everyone around her. The ruins of his apartment made his stomach turn, because deep down he knew immediately where she had gone.

He refused to demonize her. Her spirits and addictions lead her through this winding maze of illness and misery. She needed so much more than he could give when he could no longer give for himself.

Inuyasha looked down at his phone as it buzzed. It was an unfamiliar number and he hesitantly answered the call, already knowing where it had spawned.

He was always prepared for this. Though, deep in his heart, he hoped that it wouldn't be as bad as he imagined it to be. Though no good news can come from any phone call before 8AM.

AN: Thank you so much for the feedback and for the kind words, as always. I went through a divorce a while ago due to certain things that had happened and the emotional and physical toll it took on me. I had been around addicts, of various substances, for a very long time and I left that life in a not so honorable fashion, but I did what I needed to do to get to where I am now, and this is almost cathartic for me. It's looking back on experience, to a degree, and making my peace with it.


	5. Afterglow

The morning, the afternoon, the evening of that particular day had melded within the collective consciousness of everyone involved. Miroku had arrived some time after Inuyasha, and helped him clean the residual debris from Kikyo's aftermath. Though, he couldn't quite take Inuyasha's mental state being what it was.

The man rested on his knees, polishing the ceramic flooring with a towel and tooth brush to clean thoroughly. Inuyasha had had enough alcohol to suppress any real feelings he may have had. It made his depression worse, but he stood sipping a half-empty bottle of vodka.

Miroku had nothing to say. He was presumably overwhelmed. He merely watched and listened to Inuyasha's less than articulate concerns and his tirade.

"For fucks sake, I loved her." Inuyasha slurred. "I loved that fucking woman but I can't. I can't do this. I keep saying this, but this was the last straw."

Miroku raised his head up and let out a sigh, "Inuyasha, I think that it's been time. If you decide to go see her, you have to understand that she will not be in the best shape and this maybe the last time you can honestly see her at all. You don't know what will happen. I know that you're angry. Fuck," he said, gesturing at the mess he was tackling, "I'm angry, as well but don't put off an opportunity to say goodbye, in one sense, because you may not get to otherwise."

Inuyasha struggled to place the bottle on the counter, spilling some in the process. "I think that she would be better off not seeing me at all. That's if she's awake or whatever. I can't keep running to her." He pulled out a cigarette and lit it in the kitchen, "I don't think I can handle it again, at least not right now. I let her down so much, but she's so set on her path that I can't change it."

"I understand your concerns, Inuyasha." Miroku said patiently, pushing himself to his feet to ring out the soaked rag. "But this is a neverending cycle of redundancy and you have to break it. The only way for you to be better is say goodbye and let her go, whatever the outcome may be. You can't carry your guilt with you."

Inuyasha scoffed and kicked the lower cabinet with his heel. "That's easy for you to goddamn say. You don't have anything or anyone holding you down. You don't have all of this fucking baggage."

Miroku shook his head, pulling a pair of glasses out of his pocket to put them on studiously. "As a matter of fact, the people I care about know that I am a safe haven for them. I don't cause unnecessary turmoil. I have tremendous responsibilities and you know that. Don't be so blinded by what you want to see and accept what is really happening."

Inuyasha glared at the man. He was disheveled and felt like he was swimming in a mire. His body was lucid enough to not feel much else other than the dredged up bitterness and nausea biting at his stomach.

Miroku looked so put together in comparison to himself. He was wearing his neat navy sweater, clean and crisp black jeans. He looked like he'd come out of a catalogue and it was almost disgusting. He was so poised as he stood beneath the bright fluorescent lights.

Inuyasha looked glazed over, and he felt the weight of the man's words flood his mind as he excused himself.

"Oh, Inuyasha?" Miroku called, following him down the hall to his room. When the man turned around, with his good hand guiding him along the wall, he stared in discontent.

"Please do not take what I said as any kid of attack against her or you. She is very ill. I just feel like you need to hear the truth. And you can't run from this, but just do the best you can." Miroku said on a breath. He smiled and patted the man on the shoulder before trudging into his room.

Inuyasha let out a sigh and flipped the switch on to illuminate his messy room. He stared at his empty bed and wished that there was a body in it. Just the closeness of someone being there would have been enough.

And as he shucked his clothing to the floor, he remorsefully only thought of Kagome.

Across town, things had remained consistent.

Sango had buckled down and sanitized the house while Kagome rushed to the hospital upon her arrival. She hadn't seen her since midday and with the night heavily weighing down on her, she doubted that the girl was coming home.

It amazed her how incidents like these altered the fabric of being like they did. She was not as sympathetic or an empath, like Kagome and watched her spiral out of control as she dropped a bag of groceries and her belongings on the floor with no thought.

It replayed a few times in her mind, but she eventually shook the image of the woman's face in awe of their living space.

At the hospital, Ume had beaten herself up for allowing this to happen. Sota couldn't attend but would in the following days, and Kagome was left to console her mother.

She hadn't been in the room where they had taken Kikyo, lest being able to visualize the tubing and stitches that were surely quilted over her body. The stringent air seemed particularly strong as they sat in the cool of the waiting room for hours on end.

None of it seemed real. The guilt of Inuyasha still loomed over her like a curse, and she chewed at her nails nervously as she watched the clock on the wall.

She wanted to know where he was, why he wasn't there. Though she knew. Kikyo was stable, she'd recover this time. The doctors and nurses, some of Kagome's colleagues, would send Kikyo for rehabilitation when she was able.

That was protocol.

Kagome closed her eyes and wished the situation away. She couldn't place what she felt, as was becoming part of her normal.

The woman let out a sigh and her mother's hand rolled along her back, soothing her as she always did.

Ume's expression was solemn, weighed by a few wrinkles around her dark eyes.

"Go on home, Kagome. There's nothing you can do right now. If I need you, I'll call you." She said softly. Everything about their mother was gentle during strife. She was a conundrum, but in these instances, Ume always protected them.

Kagome kissed her mother on the cheek and grabbed her things, feeling the stiffness in her body from sitting in a tiny chair all morning and afternoon. It was time for a mental shutdown. She'd listened to the murmur of doctors as the elevator guided her to an escape.

The streets were empty when she left and she was only ambushed by the waning sun and the flicker of street lights and emergency personnel on their breaks. She reached into her bag and pulled out a cigarette that she had stolen from Inuyasha and lit it.

It wasn't much to her tastes, but every now and then she'd relish in the sound her lighter made. It wasn't long before she was lost in her own world, walking to the ends of the earth to reflect on her day and the night before.

Regret somehow didn't register as she rounded her way through the streets to the door of her apartment. Her neighbors watched precariously, acting like they knew what was really going on.

Sango was laying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket as she watched some forensic show she was fond of.

"Put your slippers on, please." Sango said, eyes never leaving the television. Kagome sighed and tossed her coat on the kitchen table, doing as she was told.

"I like how you're completely immune to all of these feelings." The woman said, pulling her hair out of a messy bun. "The house looks better, so thank you for that and wrestling my sister like a bear."

Sango sat up, eyes glazed over with utter exhaustion. Leaving over the back of the couch, she rested her head on her hands. "I still don't really want to believe it happened. I mean, I know we didn't get the chance to really talk, but if I hadn't been here, she would have died, Kagome. Let that sink in. Kikyo would have died."

Kagome lowered her head, expelling all of the air in her lungs. "She's flatlined once before, and it's so hard to wrap my head around the fact that she is wasting her second chance to make something beautiful out of her life. I can't do this anymore. I've already prepared myself for her dying. I made that call months ago. I'll do anything I can to help her, but she doesn't want it."

Sango's expression was pensive, almost melancholy as she felt the loss in the room. It smelled like bleach and those little floral diffusers she'd bought at the mall. The floor paneling was dark, flecked with stains she couldn't remove, but had sanitized. "Have you talked to Inuyasha?" She said idly.

Kagome stiffened and shook her head dauntingly. "No, I haven't. He wasn't there. I called him shortly after I got there but he forwarded my calls. I'm sure some of the staff called when she arrived." She took a seat at the kitchen table and laid her head down on the thick coat and groaned. "Is it bad that I can't care right now? Is it wrong of me that I feel like I've given up on her? I've given her so many chances, worked with her, lived with her, shown her how to be capable."

Sango looked around the room, searching for any semblance of an answer. To which, she knew, she had found none. "You have done more for her than anyone could. I think if it has hurt you to the point of your wellbeing at stake, emotionally, that you shouldn't have to carry the weight of that." She chewed at her lip, wanting nothing more than to make her friend feel as close to okay as she could. "Please understand that this happens. I do want to know how seeing Koga went, though. I know that's where you were this morning."

Kagome scoffed, "I needed to talk to him about something important," she said quietly. Her eyes closed as she balled her fists weakly as a defense. She trembled feeling the way his hands had touched her and she relented to it.

"I don't believe that bullshit." Sango said. "You don't have to hide that from me. You don't have to feel bad about talking about it either."

Kagome sat up and covered her face. "I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore. I wanted to tell him that I was done with being lead around on a leash while he had his own life. He's not my boyfriend, he's not my husband, I sleep with him. I run errands for him. I feel like a god damn servant while he's off fucking whatever her name is."

"Then stop. Stop taking care of him. He only wants you around when it's convienent for him. He's going to make your life a living hell, as this issue with Kikyo isn't enough. Don't invest your time in someone who is going to use you." Sango said sharply. Her brows knit together and her hands shook. She'd seen so much of Kagome's life being wasted. "Do you think I don't know you have feelings for Inuyasha? That's so obvious. You can hide it from everyone else if you want, but don't you dare hide it from me!" She was harsh, brutally honest and the backbone to most of Kagome's decisions. She wouldn't lie to her, she wouldn't make her feel less than she was, and she sure as hell refused to let her become atrophied by a controlling man.

Kagome pressed her lips in a tight line and skidded back in her chair. Her heart was hanging by a thread and her face felt flush and hot beneath that yellow kitchen light. "I do not need any dating advice from you. You're cheating on Hiten with someone else because I heard him last night when you came home." She seethed, "With everything else going on in my life, this is supposed to be a sanctuary, not another prison for me to slave away in."

Sango rolled her eyes, "Kagome, do you think for a second that this is the kind of conversation I want to be having with you? For someone so intelligent, you are so stupid sometimes. Just tell that son of a bitch to leave you alone. When you dated Hojo he flipped out and threatened you. Think about that for just one second." Her hands gestured rigorously the importance of what she was trying to say.

Kagome wanted to throw something but clenched her hands as tightly as she could. "I can't. Is that what you want me to say? I can't leave him." Tears cut through her lashes as her body tremebled through the first wave of emotion. "I can't have a relationship with Inuyasha if I even wanted to."

Sango relaxed her body and fell slack, untangling herself from the blanket. "I won't judge you for it. It's your choice. You're a grown woman. From the outside looking in, everyone sees you as this innocent thing, and you're not. You're human. You have wants. You have all of these things that make you who you are, and Koga has taken that from you for so long." The woman continued, flashing a weak smile to deaden the sting of her words.

Her friend had peculiar defense mechanisms and she watched as she milled through all of them.

Kagome merely sat with her lacquered eyes all bloodshot and raw. She wanted to laugh, wanted to say or do anything that might lighten the situation but let it be. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she hunkered down on the steps and pretended that she was okay.

All she wanted was comfort. What she got was this bottled up resentment she had stomped down and these insecurities that made her entire life a question. She was no longer the maid. She was no longer the same person. It had completely diffused the essence of her core beliefs and made her feel as though she were fragile.

And that's was one thing that she knew she was not. If there had ever been a time where she wanted to do drugs, it would have been at that moment. It was the very bottom. The abysmal fathoms that had never been reached before someone made their way to the shallows with what they held for her.

Sango moved to sit beside her and rest her head upon the woman's shoulder. Her arms wrapped around the girl, pulling her into her bosom as she wept. She couldn't always be the tether, but she tried her very best to remain knotted.

At some point in the evening, Kagome had fallen asleep. She'd laid alone in her bed, tracing the sheets where Inuyasha had been the night before. The pillow still smelled like him, and she hugged it tightly as she ruminated over the day.

Everything was complicated.

It felt like walking into a room filled with mirrors with everyone you knew and loved. It was hard enough to connect the dots without some price tag.

The environmental changes in her life had shifted and the toxicity of those familiar faces became so very daunting. She was completely lost. She had no compass, no map. All she had was the will to persevere through the fire.


	6. Causality

Nervous teeth eroded the corner of Inuyasha's lip as he stood outside of Kagome's home. His good hand ruffled the hair resting on his neck. The other hand seemed to be stuffed in the pocket of his leather jacket, while he hesitated on whether or not to knock on the door.

He'd come by about every night for two weeks. Yet, as he stood in the cold, wishing for the strength to announce himself. He heard the heaviness of footsteps grating against the loose gravel that littered the pavement.

His heart leapt into his throat as he turned to find Kagome with her lowered head and a man trailing behind her. Inuyasha furrowed his brows intently, finding his fearfulness to be more worrisome. Did she know him?

From the looks of it, she did. The man had stopped her and stood tall in front of the woman as she straightened her posture.

Inuyasha quietly leaned against the paneling waiting to see if he needed to intervene. This wasn't exactly what he had expected coming here. It wouldn't have surprised him if she'd been seeing someone. It has always been implied she was lonely, not that she wasn't involved with someone.

Then again, he had no room to talk after all.

A few moments passed when he saw the dark headed man lean into kiss the woman. She flinched and shoved her small hand against his chest and shook her head vehemently.

"I told you that I do not want to have anything to do with you." Kagome said through gritted teeth. "Don't you think you've done enough to me and used me enough, Koga?" She spat, tossing her purse and grocery bag to the ground.

"No, you stormed into my house and told me that you wanted nothing to do with me how many times, Kagome?" Koga retorted, kicking her bag until it split.

The woman clenched her new, fighting back tears. She wasn't crying over him anymore. She wouldn't. This was the last time he'd follow her home. The last time he'd try to lure her with some kind of magic and sweep her off her feet only to be caught in the undertow of their reality.

It wasn't pretty. It never had been. She was a possession, not a person. And she was far more than the life that she had endured with him being a part of it.

"Do you know how bad it is to want something knowing that you'll lose it eventually, Koga?" She asked, inching away. "Do you know what it's like to be a second choice? Or a third or fourth? Do you know what it's like not knowing if someone you loved is going to kill you if you leave or beat you if don't come back to them?" Her voice was hoarse, seething with rawness. She had suffered enough.

Koga crossed his arms and began rolling his eyes. He scoffed a few times and called her a bitch among other things in his vocabulary, and pressed his fingers into her shoulders.

"You knew what you were getting into. You knew that you weren't going to be my wife, or fuck, anything special to me. I gave you the whole world, Kagome." Koga said nonchalantly, keeping his dark eyes trained on hers.

"Would you listen to yourself for one fucking second?" Kagome hissed, "You need to just get away from me and keep your fucking hands away from me. You do not own me. You have no idea how fucked I am in the head for thinking that you ever loved me or cared about me. You gave me a life that was convenient for you. Only you."

Koga instinctively raised his hand high and backhanded the woman across the face. She'd closed her eyes and braced for the impact, as she always had, and felt the weight and strength in his hands crush her jaw.

The sound silenced her and echoed through the small ally, sending a shockwave through Inuyasha as he bolted from the woman's stoop. He hadn't paid attention to the pain in his hand as he grabbed Koga from behind and shoved him face first into the side of one of the apartments.

Koga kicked and jabbed his elbows into Inuyasha, but the man merely pulled at his hair in response. Inuyasha pressed his weight into the man's back and head-butted the back of Koga's head.

"She she said fuck off." He said, letting Koga go as he watched him holding his head as he wobbled. Inuyasha spat at him, raising his own hand to his forehead as he wiped blood from the impact wound.

Koga groaned and hissed as he fumbled to regain his balance. He shot Inuyasha a filthy glance as he flicked blood onto Kagome. "Fucking worthless whore. Ain't nothing but a pain in my anyway. Shitty piece of ass." He mumbled, kicking her purse across the walkway.

Kagome didn't speak. She didn't voluntarily cry. She didn't ask questions. She didn't look Inuyasha in the eye. She merely knelt down and slowly started picking up her belongings. Her dinner was splattered across the siding and her clothes.

Inuyasha wanted to ask her if she was okay, but the redness and palm mark smeared along her cheek was enough not to. Her eye looked bloodshot and he immediately began picking up her things for her.

Watching her shiver, he wordless slithered out of his coat and placed it on her shoulders as he continued to help her. She didn't seem to acknowledge him until he followed her to her doorstep.

The door creaked open and she stood beneath the warm light and held it open. Looking at Inuyasha, she felt relief wash over her as he followed her inside.

He'd felt a lot of things over the past few years, months, weeks, and days. Yet, as he watched her hunched over the kitchen sink, washing her face with hot water and crying, nothing seemed to compare to that.

Even with his feelings for Kikyo and the world that that they lived in, seeing the one Kagome was housed in made him feel a specific kind of agony.

He cleared his throat, uncertain of what to say or do and merely made himself at home. He looked through her fridge and pulled out a few odds and ends and grabbed a beer. He sat it on the table for her and ran upstairs while she was still cleaning her dress.

He remembered where she kept her pajamas and grabbed them, bringing them to rest alongside her beer. "Kagome, don't worry about that and go sit down or change. Are you hungry?"

No response came. And he felt a twinge in his chest as the coat slid off of her shoulders and onto the floor. Cautiously, he walked towards her and stood tall behind her. He wanted to touch her, but hesitated.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he found the courage. His hand ached and his heart felt sick as he caught her reflection in the window. Her pallid skin was still marred and beginning to bruise.

It made sense to him, in some way or another, as to why she was so standoffish. He gently placed an arm around her small frame and held her. Those familiar small hands latched along his forearm and connected their bodies as she breathed. Dried blood stained her nose and the white collar or her dress. She had cleaned most of it off, but the residue remained.

The woman closed her eyes and exhaled as she reclined into the man. He was warm, and felt like a beacon of safety. It had been two weeks since they'd spoken, or see one another. It had been almost that long since the hospital had sent Kikyo to a facility that Ume had found without a waiting list. It was emergent and specialized in addictions.

Kikyo hadn't wanted to speak to Kagome at all. Hojo had been saintly and slipped her Kikyo's charts every night so she could track the girl's progress. It had been taxing until the day they sent her away.

That subsequently had given Kagome time to process the erosion of her entire life as it melted into an abstract image of what she knew.

All of those questions had no congruent answers and she tried to make them into whatever she had wanted. Though, as she stroked her face, she knew that it hadn't worked in her favor. But, she sighed, it was done.

The only thing she refused to question was why Inuyasha was even there. She was gracious and grateful for it, nonetheless.

"Thank you." She breathed, choking on her raw throat.

Inuyasha recoiled slightly, shaking his head in response. "Fuck him, honestly. He doesn't deserve you. You never put your hands on a woman."

Kagome feigned a smile and slithered away from his grasp. It wouldn't be long before Kikyo returned. Maybe another month of rehabilitation and they'd send her back and this ordeal would be over between them.

"You didn't have to bring me clothes, Inuyasha." She said idly, brushing her fingers over the juvenile owl print she loved so much.

The man scoffed and rolled up the sleeves to his black sweater. He began looking for the pots and pans. "Since he ruined your food, I figured I'd at least try to make you something edible. And I think you deserve that much."

Kagome furrowed her brows, gently brushing her hair behind her ear. "Why are you even doing this? Why are you here?" Her curiosity got the better of her as she picked up the pajamas.

Inuyasha smirked, flicking his long peppery hair from his eyes. "Right place, right time is all." He lied, feeling oddly disgusted with himself.

He watched her awkwardly fumble up the stairs before he hunched over the counter with his head in his hands. His long hair bled through the crooks of his fingers as he closed his eyes, feeling anxiety crawling into his lungs.

He hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. He thought about her when he said goodbye to Kikyo at the hospital, in that astringent room. Deep down he'd want to go to her floor and see her, but stuck to his conviction and did the right thing.

Yet, Inuyasha, being the pious man that he was, he asked Hojo about her and left. Her tried to find it in him to call her, or see her, or even look at her without downright stalking her, which he felt like he did.

In his own defense, he believed, especially now that he'd done right. Koga would never lay a dirty fucking finger on her again as long as he was around.

And that gave him solace as he prayed over the meal he was trying to prepare like he was Kitchen MacGuyver.

He'd put on one of her aprons and tried his best to make a mountain out of a mole hill. And when Kagome came back, she had clean hair and sleepwear on and no make up on her face.

The bruises made the man seethe. He hid it the best he could as he offered her poorly made croquettes to which she laughed.

The man sat next to her and squeezed out a container of mayonnaise and patted the apron with his fingers. "I didn't burn your house down. Not even once."

Kagome grinned crookedly, trying not to exacerbate the wound on her face. "Thank you. I don't think Sango would have appreciated it. I don't really mind because I wouldn't have rent to pay." She said idly, trying to ingest the greasy food.

"I'm a shit cook." He said, smacking his mouth at the odd flavor.

"I think in all of the years I've known you, this is the first time I've ever seen you make anything. I know Kikyo probably did all of the cooking or taking out." Kagome said, catching his gaze out of the corner of her bloodshot eye.

"It was all take out, she never cooked. I didn't either. My roommate does though. He keeps me alive." The small chitchat wasn't doing him any good as he kept looking at her face.

After a few moments, he propped his head in his good and watched her. "Who was that, by the way?"

Kagome stiffened and felt nausea take hold of her as she sat her croquettes down. "I-I , he was my..." She took a deep breath, "I had been seeing him for a while and I ended up getting caught in his web. He was a good man once, but he's so toxic. I'd do and do for that man. I thought I'd have a real relationship with him one day. I loved him. I was crazy about him. He was just the most amazing thing, and then all of these things happened."

Inuyasha furrowed his brows. She'd left him perplexed. She didn't seem like the type to let anyone do those things to her. And his anger was having to be suppressed so deeply that he didn't think it could be contained.

"He'd hold me down on the floor, hit me, scream at me. Every time I'd try to end it, he'd suck me in and lie and lie and sleep around until I became like this constant reminder that women in abusive relationships can't get away from them. I never told anyone but Sango." Kagome's eyes fell along the table. "I couldn't wish it away. I was afraid. After someone tears you're core into all of these pieces, you forget that you're an actual person. I think that's why I liked being around you so much. You've seen me at different points in my life and I've always been a person. I had to pretend to be the things that everyone thinks I am not to hurt them. But I'm just as fucked up as everyone else. I've been vying for the attention of a man who hurts me because every time I'd date someone else, here he'd come to hurt me again."

Every word seemed to hang heavier and heavier on her voice. It sounded like poison inching its way out of her stomach. She could feel panic in her blood, and steeled herself for the impending attack.

Inuyasha could see it in her eyes and nodded, "He's a fucking asshole. I'll kill him, Kagome. I swear to god I will. If he lays another finger on you, that'll be the last thing that he does."

Kagome inhaled sharply, wondering how true his words were. The look in his eyes was feral enough for her to find validity, but it didn't scare her like it should have. "I know that being with Kikyo was hard in a different way and toxic in an emotional sense. Once she gets help, I know that you two will be alright. She loves you, you know? She's done some really questionable things, but I know that she'd be fine with you."

Inuyasha skidded out of his chair and reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He was still wearing her floral apron as he walked out the door. Kagome knitted her brows together and felt a sour taste creep into her mouth. She couldn't project her fear onto him.

She wanted him.

Pushing his relationship with Kikyo was selfish of her considering what she knew. It wouldn't hurt any less.

Kagome lolled her head back and relented to following him outside. She grabbed the blanket from the couch on her way out and plopped down beside him, draping it across their bodies.

"I'm sorry, Inuyasha." She cooed softly.

Taking a drag off his cigarette, the man exhaled into the night. "Everyone assumed that I would be the person to carry her baggage but I'm not. I love that woman, but I don't know. She promises and promises so much and it just recycles." He said, "No one ever stopped to ask me what I wanted."

Kagome listened intently, finding his eyes transfixed on hers. She felt her skin ignite as his hand found hers, "I understand. No one ever asked me if I wanted to do anything different or be who I want to be or who I am."

"It's like a job, isn't It? " Inuyasha flicked his cigarette across the way and helped the girl up. "The guilt is the worst part. It weighs on you like a god damn cinder block."

Kagome followed him back inside and began cleaning. "Loving someone with problems is a job. It's just if that's the right kind of job for you. My depression and my anxiety are too much for me, let alone any sane person."

Inuyasha crossed his arms. "But you're not loaded on drugs. You're not breaking into my house. You're not a walking time bomb."

Kagome shucked the pots and pans into the sink and slammed her fist on the table. "I am a fucking time bomb! You want to talk about your misery and your disdain for everything in your life but you won't own up to it! I have to own up to mine no matter how hard I stuff it down." She yelled for the first time in years.

"What the hell do you want, Inuyasha?!" She cried, watching his features contort. He was startled, very much taken aback.

For a moment he stood there, perplexed. For once, he didn't think. He felt his body move. Kagome had turned away, when his hand caught her arm.

Instinctively, she flinched as he pushed her against the cabinets. She gasped as his hands wound into her hair, careful to avoid her tender skin. His mouth pressed against hers as her fingers knitted to his shirt.

This was what he wanted.

He couldn't stop thinking about her.

She was what he wanted.

AN: Thank you all for the reviews and for waiting patiently on me! Work and life, in general, have been super busy lately! I hope everyone has been doing well!


	7. Interlude

Sometimes, moments like those felt like an absolution. It cured the aches and pains, answering questions that lingered. There was nothing more terrifying than opening a damaged heart to a hope that may not come with resolve. It was a whim. It was a chance with no promise of a resolution.

It simply was.

The feel of her mouth responding sent waves rolling through his body and she fought back those familiar tears, absolving to the high he gave her.

The first time was different. There was something underlying that she couldn't put her finger on. This time he felt like he belonged with her.

His long fingers wove their way deeper into the woman's damp hair, pulling and prodding to inch his way closer to her. She pressed her body into his, gripping to his chest. He tasted like cigarettes, but she didn't care.

The low light in the kitchen made him look warm, and like a blur in between her lashes. Her heart beat pounded against her throat as she pulled herself deeper into his grasp.

Tasting him again made her stomach knot. It was laced with innocence this time. It was a wanton of desire and a purity that wasn't there before. It felt as though his intentions were clear, thorough.

"I don't care anymore. This is what I want." He breathed, gripping her tightly as she fumbled with her balance.

She knocked the dishes from the counter, pulling him closer. She flinched at the pressure on her check, but let out a gasp into his mouth as he pushed her body into the crook of cabinets.

" Fuck it. I just want you. This is killing me." He rasped in between breaths as he began to pull back to see the glazed expression on her face. He inspected her as the door creaked open.

Panic rolled over him as he heard that annoyingly familiar banshee-like howl. It pried him out of his stupor enough to cool him off almost instantaneously.

Kagome pushed Inuyasha away from her, causing him to hit his injured hand on the table. He bit his lip, gripping it tightly as he held in a yelp.

"You wouldn't believe my fucking day!" Sango exclaimed, tossing her shoes onto the rack. Her belongs crashed against the floor. "I swear to god I'm quitting that job and running away and living in the woods."

When Sango looked towards the kitchen, she flinched and did a double take. Waving a hand in the air, she regained her composure. "Haven't seen you in a while." She said, grinning at Inuyasha as he stood in confusion.

He looked like a flustered mess.

When her vision fell on Kagome, her brows furrowed and she began shaking her head as a finger pointed firmly at the man. "Did he fucking do that to you?"

Kagome vehemently waved her arms defensively. "NO! He didn't do anything to me. I-I"

"I'll kill you, you know that right?" Sango said, staring at the man in the kitchen as she reached into her lab coat as though and had any semblance of a weapon. It seemed more logical that the wad of gauze and pens would be better suited for anything but self defense.

"Sango, listen to me." Kagome snapped her fingers and turned her head, "Koga did this to me." She breathed, reeling back a wave of tears. "Inuyasha helped me get away from him."

The man promptly pushed his bangs back to show the irate woman his bruises. "As long as I've known you, you should know better than that."

Sango rolled her eyes, "I don't really expect much from you to begin with." She said, being facetious. She wasn't sure she believed anything that happened in their house anymore. It needed to be cleansed.

Kagome exhaled and began picking up the pots and pans from the floor, "I'm just glad he was around because I'd probably be dead in the street."

"He was fucking with her and he wouldn't listen, so I made him listen." Inuyasha interjected as his arms habitually rolled into a shrug. He raised a hand to his mouth to wipe away the sting Kagome had left. His fingers idly rolled over them as Sango watched him intently.

She wasn't stupid, but left well enough alone. "We'll talk about that later and what we can do to keep him away. I'm proud of you, and thank you for not letting anything else happen to her." She said quietly, smiling at the man knowingly. Even though it had been forced, she meant it.

Kagome nodded, "I'm okay, so I think that that's all that I can say about it. It's over and done." She chewed at her lip for a moment, mulling over her thoughts. "I have a lot to process and I think that any clarity or detox from him and everyone I know that knows him is a good thing."

Sango being wary, gave the both of them a side eye as she plopped down on the sofa. She began coaxing the pressure from her temples as Inuyasha cleared his throat.

He rolled his knuckles across the table, which elicited satisfaction for his nerves state od unrest. "I guess I'll go ahead and go. That was enough excitement for today."

Kagome furrowed her brows, "You don't have to leave. We don't mind if you stay."

Sango inhaled sharply, "I can go out if you want. I wouldn't mind honestly. I could go for some dinner and drinks. I'm so glad I'm off tomorrow. I would rather jump off a building than deal with some of the bullshit I've dealt with today. I think you'd rather be anywhere but here, too."

Kagome rolled her eyes. Sango was always melodramatic. "You don't have to leave either."

But before she could finish her sentence, Sango had pushed herself up and shimmied out of her lab coat. "I just really don't want to see y'all making out and shit. It's gross." She said, grabbing her purse and keys. "Don't think I didn't know what was going on! I know everything." She chided.

Kagome felt her cheeks flush. Inuyasha merely covered his mouth and wiped away the stress as he watched the leggy woman zigzag her way to the door. She popped on some heels and put on her long gray cost.

She pulled her hair loose from her ponytail and instantly seemed more relaxed. Before she made it all the way out of the door, she snapped her fingers. "Hey, uh, gimme one of your cigarettes."

Kagome looked perplexed as Inuyasha fished one out and lit it for her. The woman winked on her way out and stared out at the veins of the street intersecting.

She promised Miroku to check on Inuyasha, and now that job was done. They weren't stupid. But seeing Kagome's discarded items littering the pavement made her stomach turn as she took a drag.

She couldn't quite tell what was more nauseating; the cigarette and the sight of Kagome's bruises or the fact she herself, was sneaking around.

She could preach all she wanted, but she was no better. When Kikyo came back, this would be another mess to clean up and she didn't know if she had the energy.

It wasn't her place to fix the things Kagome couldn't, but she loved her deeply enough to forgo some of her freedom to be the support system she needed. She chose it. She enjoyed it. It gave her a purpose when she had none for herself.

It seemed strange that she wandered the same path everyday and had her head lost in the clouds, just like Kagome. There was a reason for everything, right?

Maybe the reason she did this was because eventually she knew that the right person would come and take her away. She wanted a white knight and argyle armor, with a 401k and dental.

She leaned her long neck back and let the cool air brush against her tired skin. It refreshed her as she ventured on, curiously wondering about what she'd left behind.

She knew what she had said and told Kagome, but it didn't exactly make it right. Being involved with Inuyasha was a lot to handle on its own.

The instability of the situation made her feel like an enabler, but fuck it. She was, after all. She saw the way he looked at her. She saw the flushed skin and fidgeting fingers. She knew.

She had known. In her resolve, she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. It was her boyfriend and she aptly ignored it.

"Practice what you preach." She breathed, feeling her own guilt bite ate her. She wanted more than he could give, and Miroku was slowly stealing her heart.

That's something no one can ever expect.

Kagome knew better than anyone as she stood bare in the dim light of her bedroom. Inuyasha's hands felt like briars as he slid them along her smooth flesh.

The distance between them was very miniscule, but Kagome's eyes peered past him. She was more nervous than she was a few weeks prior. Her face was still aching, and she had no reason to believe he truly found her as beautiful.

She felt insecure below his scrutiny.

She took a deep breath and brought her vision to the scar on his chin and the way his body curved.

It had been only a few moments after they had undressed that their awkwardness became profound. It wasn't entirely unfamiliar. It wasn't so fresh that they feared it.

They knew enough to trace along the lines from memory. Her gloomy eyes met his and ignited a spark as her pupils dilated in the waxing light cast from the hall.

That was when he kissed her.

That was when her back was against the wall and legs wrapped tightly around his frame. His hair hung like a curtain over her as she closed her eyes and expunged the rest of the thoughts in her head.

Each movement was deliberate, heavy handed as she fumbled along the ladder of his back. The indents of her fingernails slithered around his shoulder blades as he pressed his body into hers.

She let out a gasp, biting her lip as he thrust into her. She felt small, delicate for a moment as she reveled in the feeling of his hands winding in her hair.

The wall was cool on her back as he slid her body against it. The photos and small knickknacks descended to the floor as he pulled her away and pushed her onto the small bed.

His weight on her crushed her body, slowly winding her to a flush mess. It was here where she slowly lost her consciousness and only thought of him and the way he moved.

Inuyasha was steadfast. His eyes screwed shut as he breathed heavily and held onto the sheets. His hand began to bleed on the pale fabric, but he paid no mind.

He was drunk.

She felt like the edge of the earth and he was about to fall into nothingness from his perch.

And it was then, when he came crashing down, that he realized exactly what he had done. She silently screamed, only gasping as she plummeted alongside him.

As the girl lay beneath him, toying with his hair as he caught his breath. Her fingers stroked his tired face and stared outwardly towards the ceiling.

With each ginger stroke of her fingers, she felt the hills and valleys of his face. She drank him in the tangled mess of sheets and sweat.

What came after this didn't matter.

This was her time.

A protrusion of thoughts and scenarios bled into her consciousness as his fingers wound themselves into the cool sheets. She could have stayed with his body tethered to hers, but she shifted to see the faint exposure of the street pour onto his face.

She felt whole for that passing moment. There was nothing holding her back from this. He looked so foreign and became real. All of his pain seemingly drifted away and she saw him for what he really was.

He wasn't the crass, unabashed man that she had fawned over. As he succumbed to the sleep seizing his body, she drew a circle on his cheek and knew he was looking for something greater than himself.

AN: THANK YOU FOR READING SO FAR! I've had a lot of issues with posting lately because of some glitches, but I think it'll all be okay now! I love hearing from everyone. R&R and I'll get back to you!


	8. Lessons

The intersection of Inuyasha's life had always been stationed in between the varying contrasts of the Higurashi girls. They'd stand on either side, moving through their lives like reversing mirrors - one excelled, one failed, they both climbed towards a precipice before toppling head first.

Yet, when he chose to Kikyo, he succumbed so deeply to the idea of her. Those eyes became haunting as he skimmed through photos of her. She was beguiling. No matter how his internal conflict deviated from the way his conscience hardwired itself, he became entranced by those hollow eyes.

Even if it was merely a mirage, he believed so deeply that he could have salvaged the parts of her he had loved. She was fragile like glass. Whereas the woman that rambled on beside him, wasn't.

The beauty he saw in Kikyo wasn't just superficial. But, those eloquently worded prose that spilled from her lips didn't fit the activities she partook in.

Kagome, however, was the embodiment of the things that Kikyo lacked. The more she moved her mouth, the more in tune he became to her. She swallowed his psyche and spat him out as though he was as callow as a bird.

He felt infantile when he spoke. Whenever he made love to her, she seemed to be sincere in the appeal he found in her. She'd climb across him and sit atop his hips and talk. Her hair would fall like a drapery around her shoulders and her fading bruise would add character to her cherubic face.

Kikyo's eyes were empty in comparison. Though, as he tugged himself from the cloud he was drifting on, he knew comparing them was a detriment. They were separate beings.

Even as his eyes drifted away from the photos on the wall, he knew that he wasn't really free. This was an unanswered question with no punctuation.

Open ended questions were the devil's work.

It had been several weeks since that one night at Kagome's house. She'd come to his own home, discreetly, of course. They'd traveled across the city and lived.

And that alone was a feat within itself. How does one truly live when they've been drifting through a haze for half of their life?

It was daunting. Yet, as it were, Kagome grabbed his hand and lead him through illuminated gardens, took him to the bay before dawn, froze to death on the ledges of abandoned buildings she loved.

And all the while, he still thought of Kikyo.

He wondered how her visitations with her mother had gone. He wondered if her therapy was helping quell the parasitism of her disease.

It seemed like such a catch twenty-two.

He wanted to see her. He did, he admitted solemnly to himself. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to have the good parts of her.

Kagome knew. She wasn't foolish. But despite that, she would run her fingers through his hair and mend his wounds and show him things about himself that frightened him.

Even now, the woman steeled herself for the arrival of her sister. It was coming soon. And their time was borrowed. They hadn't fought too fiercly over anything of value, expect for her sister.

Kagome would cry, and he would kiss the edges of her face and soothe the aches. But that guilt never truly left.

He ruminated for days. He was electric with Kagome.

She loved him. God, how she loved him.

She loved him for the scars on his skin and the wildness in his demeanor. Every time her hands pressed against his skin, his nerves crawled with a sense of urgency.

It was something he never had with her sister.

She'd smile crookedly as she tricked him into climbing on her roof and watching the neons flicker like stars, could they have actually seen them from the pollution.

With a sigh, the man relented to how much he did love her. He loved the way her hands spread out and her fingers danced when she talked about the things she loved.

She was a lot of things, but boring wasn't one of them. Closing his eyes, Inuyasha relished the sound of her voice.

"You know, sometimes I want to run away. Escapism isn't ever the answer because your demons follow you. They always know where you are, what you're doing..." She sighed as she delicately dabbed a spoon into a pint of ice cream. "They always seem to know everything about you when you don't even really know yourself."

Inuyasha stared intently, brushing his fingers through his hands. He wanted to see her better as she scrunched her nose and leaned against him.

"That's a pretty heavy sentiment coming from someone wearing otter print pajamas." He said, wrapping a lazy arm around the girl.

Kagome furrowed her brows as she took a bite of her ice cream. "I'm just saying, they know I like animals, too. You may think I'm crazy, but at least I know that when I'm at my job they at least wait until I get home and get comfortable before they start keeping tabs on me."

"So, demons have limitations or are respectful?" The man asked, trying not to laugh at how convoluted she sounded.

Kagome smirked, "I just think that you can push your demons out for a little while. But they're always there. They take the worst parts of you and hold them up to you so you're reminded that you can do better in spite of them."

Inuyasha felt a knot in his stomach as he pulled the girl closer. He swallowed and let her words process for a moment. She was highly intelligent. More so than he ever gave her credit for. She worded things where people could find something tangible to latch onto and hold.

That made her good at her job. She was a wonderful nurse. People asked for her and just wanted her to talk to them. They seemed so set on loving her and soothed by the sense she made to them.

He also knew that she was referring to Kikyo as well. It wasn't petty, but as a reminder to be cautious. He was certain that it was lacquered with jealousy, which was rightfully placed.

"When you talk to me, you make me feel so much more human than I actually feel that I am." He said quietly. "You don't judge me for all the things that I've done, or do. You talk to me and make some sense of my train wreck of a life."

Kagome brushed her fingers across his cheek and looked at him with those doe eyes. They were still layered in turmoil, but the loneliness had disappeared almost completely.

"Baby, I don't think it's that your life is a train wreck." She licked her lips and straightened herself to look him in the eye. "I've known you for a long time. I've seen who you actually are. You keep yourself so buried beneath a facade that you don't really remember who you are."

The man flinched at the accusation and wanted to defend himself. He bit his tongue despite himself and chewed at his lip.

" You need the same validation I had with Koga. For whatever reason, we attach ourselves to people that we don't belong with the intention to move forward and end up being drained by them." She sighed, "We need the attention from them because we don't have enough self worth to be better for ourselves. Why the hell do you think I'm a nurse?"

It stung. It cut deeply into his gut as he exhaled the breath he held. The dim light rolled over him as the television flickered in the background. He sat in silence for a moment wondering why she held so much of herself in. It made him forget about the guilt and forget that he was troubled by the pestilence of his ex girlfriend all together.

It was that one moment of clarity that made this woman seem more than just the girl he knew and cared for. He was in love with her.

Her mind was like an imaginative tidepool and he was swept in the undertow. Every time she opened her mouth in these intimate moments, he felt so ignorant to assume he knew her.

" You deserve so much better than me." He breathed, staring intently at the expressions rolling across her face. "How do you expect me to have anything to say in response to that? I'm going to hurt you, Kagome. I'm going to hurt you so bad."

"I don't care." She said, leaning forward. "You always have. You hurt people you love. You hurt people unintentionally. It's a part of life. You have no idea the gravity of what you are capable of."

"But, at what point will this become me and Kikyo or you and Koga?" He gestured between their bodies as she pressed her weight on him.

She gripped the side of his face gingerly, making sure he could see into the depths of her soul. "Because despite what you think you're better than that. You've given me more than you'll ever know. It's all been a blur. This wasn't supposed to happen but it did. There's some truth in what Kikyo always thought, isn't there?"

"I had never had the intention of doing this to you." Inuyasha rasped, struggling to find the courage to maintain eye contact.

"I did." Kagome said. Her heart beat thrummed in her throat and those two words came out jagged. It felt like there was a sticky film in her throat. "I wanted you."

Inuyasha muttered her name and drew his eyebrows down.

"What kind of person does that make me?" She asked solemnly, feeling the brackishness of her tears cutting against her lashes.

Inuyasha shook his head, looking down at her knees as he felt the heaviness of the question inundate him. He closed his eyes for a moment before abruptly pulling her onto his lap. He pushed her back, pressing his weight onto her as she sank into the couch.

He rested his eyebrows on either side of her head and rested his forehead on hers. Her legs tangled themselves around him.

"Human." His voice was gruff, as always. "I guess we're both terrible people."

The duality of his conscience seemed to ebb and flow. On the one hand, he was freeing himself from the toxicity of a relationship he no longer had the strength to be in, with a woman who could not function on her own.

On the other, he had to come to terms with his own humanity and the idea that he was no hero.

He was finding home.

AN:

Thank you so much for the review. It's so hard to get time to write lengthy chapters or consistently, but hearing feedback like that makes me feel so much better about the things going on in my life. I'm glad that you've enjoyed this and found solace in it, too. I love this story so deeply and I pour myself into it every chance I get. Again, thank you so much. I wrote my heart out for this chapter.


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